Tag Archives: death and taxes

Life and Love

We decided to marry one Monday night, giving me four days to plan an elopement. As we are about to enter our 15th year of marriage I would like to thank our families and friends for sticking with us.

Tuesday afternoon we asked the Admiral (of the family clan, she ran the family ship) and Captain to help us out. She was a witness and we asked the Captain to be Deputy Marriage Commissioner for the day and marry us. After he went to the other room to collect his thoughts (their three sons called me “sis”) he returned and said yes, as long as he could write the vows. OK, I’ll type them up for you in caps, double-spaced. OK, deal. Then I told him he couldn’t marry random people on the street, only me and my husband!

We had a lovely lunch for eight then went to our new home, the Barbie House to call our folks. My favorite Italian restaurant gave us wedding cake. Then my husband lifted me through the doorway. There’s probably a bad photo of my butt on that one!

Life gives conundrums. How does one deal with this tax situation, this business debacle, everything. Yes, we disagree, a lot, but still love one another. I just feel like the skimpy little sister that only drafted laws for 34 million people and created articles of incorporation and bylaws for several non-profits. Ergo the skimpy little sister. I cannot say anything about my role as a consultant as it is not accepted because it was “only a non-profit.”

Now we spend our days creating bank accounts and finding accountants and lawyers. I need to meet them all, because otherwise even though I put my husband (as of 15 years) on my bank accounts and all accounts thereafter, when I called our bank they would say they couldn’t talk to me without my husband’s authorization because I’m “just the wife.”

Love and friendship have no limits between us. The people we need to help us in business, and the government, must know that I am an entity that has signing authority and knows everything. If, I knocked wood, my husband was hit by a bus I could sell the business or hire a designated professional to run it.

Love and friendship. Together, forever. Add dear old dog Zoe and it’s our family that will always be taken care of. Zoe and I will go before he does and I tried to have him promise to re-marry. It’s what I do to take care of business. Dee


Wheels Down

My husband touched down about an hour ago, not home but across the country but he is probably in Customs and on US soil in a safe place.

He’s been in India for work, a grueling week and I’m certain he’ll sleep the weekend away and be home a week from now.

I gave him a list from the NYTimes (thanks, Grey Lady) of what to do and what not to do. His favorite beverage includes an inordinate amount of ice and Dallas’ answer to Beaujolais, Dr. Pepper. He was deprived of both (you can’t drink local water/ice) so I asked him to treat himself to a huge glass of ice and Dr. P at the airport. No word from him for over an hour. He must still be at Customs.

He brought an extra suitcase with books and training materials. I’m getting worried though I’m glad they landed safely. He’s through and is driving to his hotel before he gets too tired. Whew! He sounds really tired and will call later, guess he didn’t get his DP and ice.

When a spouse can’t call for over a week it’s stressful, especially with taxes et al to be completed, but I did them as I have for years, before we were married I did his! He asked to meet me at the restaurant where we first met, on April 14 – nice timing – and showed me his W-2 and asked me to do his federal and state taxes, giving me the forms. The deadline, it was snail mail back then, was midnight on the 15th so I went over it with him at the restaurant, we made a copy, sealed the envelope and drove to the main post office about 10 p.m. and waited in line to place the envelope (in the running car) in the USPS mailbox.

That old car brings back memories of trips we took and stories that were shared. He sold it to a co-worker years ago. His colleague came to our going-away party and I asked if I could say goodbye to the car. I just looked at it, looked into the window and there was a baby seat in the back and I knew it was no longer “our” old car, it was theirs. Good.

Here’s a tax story. I did my own taxes and mailed them via USPS. Two days later they were returned to me for no reason. I spent a day dealing with the IRS and the USPS who finally said they made a mistake. The IRS waived penalties because it was the fault of the postal service. I’d sent the unopened tax envelope with postmark in another envelope with a postmark and IRS still said I had to pay late fees because even with the April 15 postmark it arrived late. Don’t trust the federal government! That’s all for now. I have to hope my husband doesn’t fall asleep on the freeway. Dee

ps He’s parked and is walking to his hotel. I’m sure he’ll get a lot of sleep but at least he’s safe. Last night I tried to put worry out of my mind with breathing and thoughts. I think I’ve worried since I was a little kid. It’s a hard habit to kick. Please don’t say yoga. Dee


Honor, Among Thieves?

There are two I have in mind. One taxes us at home twice what my husband is taxed for and earns in another state. To me, I’m about to do our taxes, that is highway robbery.

The other is a woman who has been going around our neighborhood stealing from people. She was caught a couple of months ago and I’ve even seen video footage of her counting her loot and walking in like she owns the place. The District Attorney declined to prosecute due to lack of evidence (there is video evidence and our security company caught her at another location) so she’s back.

In 1993 ago I bought my first new car, a bright red army jeep with no back seats so I could take my dog to the beach to run and chase really fast birds she could never catch. Soft top, I bought The Club to keep it from being stolen.

Ten years later I habitually put on The Club even though I knew we’d only get $2,300 for the old car. I was worried they’d steal The Club!

I grew up in neighborhoods where we never locked our doors or our cars. Those were the days. Now I am always religious about locking our doors.

The second I walk in or walk out the door is locked. The thief jiggles door handles, finds one open, steals money, wallets, cell phones from neighbors who are taking out the trash or taking their dog for a quick walk. I lock our doors and so far we’ve not been targeted.

As for the government tax thieves all we can do is move to a state with no income tax. Yes, I know where they are and where we want to be. Smarter than the average bear, Dee

Just The Wife

Years ago I added my husband’s name to my main bank account, one I’d held for over ten years. Two years later there was an issue and I called and they said they couldn’t talk to me without my husband’s “permission.”

I organized a place to live and rental furniture for three months here plus gas, electric and cable because I was to follow in a few weeks. Silly me, I placed them all in his name because he’d have to sign so when I called to talk about a bill I paid, they simply said “we need your husband’s authorization for us to talk to you.”

For two years I’ve had a tired husband come home from work and get on the phone and say please place my name on the account and here’s my wife, work it out.

Last year one company kept dunning us and I kept paying them and then there was a threat of eviction. We were paying double every month and also paying for a family in Texas due to a billing error. We got the next three months free because of their multiple mistakes.

Only the wife. That’s one of the saddest terms I’ve ever heard. A couple got married this weekend and it’s very strange to live with someone for the first time, not to mention that wedding band clinking against dishes in the sink.

In any marriage there is a division of duties and mine includes paying all the bills. With the NSA and everyone spying on us and security as it is, I will assure that any new accounts we incur will have both of us on the account.

Why? If my husband gets hit by a bus? Not only will I be grieving for his loss, I’ll have to argue that I can pay the bills and cash out. I’ll never be “just the wife.” Dee

Turbo Tax

When you call in with a question, it summons a customer survey. If they don’t like the results, they say there was an error in transmission or they can’t read the data. You go, Intuit! Insult all your clients.

And last year when I went to the paid-for audit division, they gave me a call back number that was a sex line. I was called within moments by their boss, who apologized. Weeks later I got an email saying that I made a mistake, the phone number was one digit off and I must have made an error.

I’ve worked with lots of guys in offices before cubes were even invented, and I know that when a bunch of guys are laughing out loud when I’m given the sex line number that it was not a mistake, it was intentional.

This year I’ll do our taxes by hand because now paying Intuit $30 for Federal taxes and having them fail to import W-2’s and I have to place every box in by hand and pay for it is ridiculous. Here’s to two things we all have in common, death and taxes. Dee

Arthritis and Taxes?

Oh, it was supposed to read death and taxes, the two sure things to which we look forward.

Well, I had to call our tax experts who are now charging us for federal taxes after making their site even more difficult to navigate, to put in a second W-2 because my husband’s company changed hands last year. All of a sudden I get a Miscellaneous Income check for $2K which we never received. Without the latter we went from getting 3K back to owing $500. Now I have to go back and do everything all over again. Dear Signore Dante, on which level of Hell have I landed?

Last time I had problems with this tax service they all laughed when they gave me a call back number that was a sex line. Their lawyers said I wrote the number wrong but I heard them all laughing and that was enough for me. Help!!! Dee