Category Archives: Editorial

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He Tried to Kill Me, Twice

Something happened. After nearly 16 years together my husband made an error, twice. I’ve always joked that a terrorist could get in and detonate a bomb in our bedroom and he would never awaken to hear the terrorist enter our home or bedroom.

This time, it was nearing seven in the morning and I do not know how he was positioned. He decided to throw his down pillow atop my face and lay his head on it. I immediately reacted “NO! Get off!” He did, then two minutes later he did it again.

He has no knowledge of any of these things so I hopped up, threw a denim jacket over my pj’s, slipped on a pair of Crocs and took the dog out then fed her. I’m not going back and usually I lift her up on the bed to co-snore with him on weekends after she eats. Not today. If his mind is in a certain gear or positioning is uncertain, I don’t trust him with our old dog, either, because she will not push him off or yell.

He had no clue where he placed his pillow or that he tried to suffocate me. He will be horrified to hear my story. All he wanted in his deep sleep was to find the most comfortable place for his head to be. Sadly, it was blocking my nose and mouth. Big brain, smart big head. Heavy.

We love him dearly and know he was just very sleepy and trying to get comfortable. I guess that’s what happens when one stays in hotels all week alone for a year. Happy weekend! Is there room service here? Yes, it’s called… Dee

Home

Ask Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. She knew where Glinda The Good Witch of the North and the Wizard would take her, back to Aunty Em and Uncle Henry and the scarecrow, tin man and cowardly lion farm hands. Along with the shady Wizard who flew the balloon back to Kansas.

A man from my husband’s years of growing up died the other day and will be put to rest this morning. We cannot be there but sent a note through my mother-in-law. As for a pallbearer, my father-in-law, he could not have a better friend other than his dear wife, their sons and grandchildren.

I know my home is here with my husband and dog. Both my parents are gone now and there is no land to call home. Dad used to love land, views et al. The “house on the hill” was our masterpiece. It was completely unfinished. At age eight I used a manual miter box and saw to frame the windows. I also had to learn to use both hands standing atop a ladder to place ceiling pieces in the basement. That was really hard for a little kid. A staple gun, really?

The doc who bought the house, still has it. He must be retired by now. I’ve tried to get in touch with him over the years just to say hello, find out how things are going and see that he gets in touch with me before he sells the property. Dad chose well. It does have a great view!

I will have to design my own home if I’m still alive when my husband retires. I’ve ideas. Trying to figure out post and beam. It will be my last home. Dee

Government By Twitter?

“I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend Twitter, though not its licensing agreement, help my daughter sell clothing at Macy’s, fire at will any member of my Cabinet who tries to advise me, and perhaps someday actually read the Constitution of the United States and realize why I am sitting behind this desk in an oval office with bulletproof glass and horrific American art.” So help me, Russia.

OK, time to redecorate, everything in 24K gold. Even the Resolute desk. Sell that and re-make it in gold. Who elected me to be here, anyway? I just wanted to say I was President, not do it. What were those morons thinking??? Rubes, the American “people.” Let’s take away their jobs and ability to get health care so a lot of the idiots die. And hire all my kids to Cabinet posts. Put Melania in the kitchen. Wives are just millions per dozen. And what’s happening with my hair?

A Bagel and Irish Lasses

I learned a good bagel in my 20’s as it wasn’t available in the small village in which I was raised. Yet I learned the most from a NY Congressman who was anti-carb but loved bagels so carved a tunnel and filled it with cream cheese. I wonder what his suit size is now…..

Then I worked for the head boss as an analyst and my committee chair (RIP) had an assistant who aimed to please, another Irish lass. Most of our Committee were from NYC, and Jewish.

I had already learned that when I got to work for a 9:00 Committee meeting at six, I didn’t drink coffee and they didn’t know I was up for hours preparing everything for them so I had Diet Coke. I went out and bought a mug, kept it in the Chairman’s office and it looked like coffee. Most stopped razzing me.

Mary wanted to something really nice so went out and bought them “bagels” one morning, and a bagel slicer. Bad choice. Their wives bought or made the bagels and sliced them by hand. They laughed at the slicer.

I asked Mary not to serve the “bagels.” She did, anyway. I said “Mary, these aren’t bagels, they’re rolls with a hole in the middle. This won’t make it in the NYC Jewish community.” She served them anyway as I drank my Diet Coke from a coffee cup.

They were impressed with her enthusiasm and care for them, because no-one ever paid for this extra effort and none of us were paid well. It is just cultural differences I’ve tried to learn for decades and Mary only knew American-Irish. She was a sweet girl.

Before sexual harassment training elected officials would proposition me in the elevators. Not when my friend Tony was around, who operated a manual elevator up to my office and always called me “bella ragazza,” beautiful girl. He was probably Italian special forces and would kill anyone who was rude to me on his elevator. They replaced the mechanical elevators and Tony moved to Security. Hint?

One day I got them back. I was the only single person on my team so Boss would send everyone home. Dee can stay ’til 4:00 a.m., she’s single and has nothing to do and will call you if your bill comes up. Those were not computer days, it was a squawk box and when raises came up they’d say, well E and T each have three kids and a home. You have nothing. We’ll give you an extra hundred a year. Yeah, like that would pay the rent.

The other party had been driving us nuts. It was one of those long, lonely weeks at my desk listening to the awful box. Negotiations on niggly matters (my bailiwick) commenced at the end when everyone agreed, to disagree. I had a land sale by a “marginal,” meaning someone who got in, elected by the shave of his tail and no-one from the other party wanted him to win, anything.

It was a simple land sale of a small property on a river that was agreed to by both parties and the Governor’s Office and OGM, Office of Government Management. When I got a land sale I called OGM’s lawyer (speed dial) and asked if the specs were correct and if the State wanted to sell it. If he said OK I put it on my list.

The other party mounted an obstruction to this bill even though it was on the Speakers end-of-session to-do list agreed to by everyone. They asked my Chairman how large was the State-owned property the State wished to sell. It was four pages of gobbledygook from surveyors. My Chairman did not know what to do. I touched his hand and said “I know what to do. Let me.”

I took the Chairman’s bill, looked at it for a moment, and asked how large is the property? Was that your question? Four pages. They all laughed, voted against and we had more people so we won that day and at least had a shorter meeting. Heaven bless Diet Coke and a coffee mug for getting me through that. And Mary, she was a sweetheart. Dee

Pajamas

We grow up with things from “onesies” to Baby Janes to nightgowns. Now I choose my own. Nightgowns just twisted me up, especially everything knee-length or further. It didn’t matter even if it was pure silk.

Then I started pajamas. No way.

Now I wear silk long johns with an extra large tee shirt, either from FIDO (Fiesta Island Dog Owners, trying to save their legal dog leash free area from commercial development), or a really cool local guitar store. It is very comfortable and I rarely need the comforter.

Years ago when I asked my chiropractor how I should use this pillow to sleep on my stomach, he said, ahem, you cannot sleep on your stomach any more and have your neck straight. I learned to adjust the pillow moving side to side and on my back for a short period of time on a flat bed. In my sleep.

Moving side to side tends to twist up anything loose. Now, in the summer it’s usually shorts and a short top or basic stretch camisole, or the long tee and silk long johns.

If it’s the latter I can just throw on a coat before the sun comes up and take the dog out early morning, feed her and lift her back up on the bed.

There are two things, besides her “pack” made up of my husband and me: eating; and sleeping. I don’t know that Zoe would gain any world records on sleeping or eating but may get one on intensity of the endeavor. She is now sleeping at my feet, under my desk. I’m up at 3 a.m. and she sleeps ’til six. She gets extra points for crawling under the bed to keep from morning light (the shades are down) and get her beauty sleep.

Zoe just wears her fur coat to bed. When one is long-married there is a compromise between being hot under a down comforter or cold atop it. WinterSilks online for silk long underwear, any festival you attend with booths with zesty oversized or crop top t-shirts and you’re ready to sleep. Here’s to FIDO, Dee

A Yellow Tomato

We’ve been growing a Sweet 100 tomato plant in the house for a couple of months. Last time was 15 years ago, outdoors, and we had bugs and worms and three tasteless tomatoes all summer.

Finally we have about fifteen, more to come, tomatoes and one turned yellow today. When it turns red and is ripe, I plan to halve it and we will cheer. It suffered for a few weeks even though it was re-planted to a larger container delicately. Now it is growing tomatoes over a cage and watered every day, and we have new flowers that have been pollenated.

Our major coup was to find and adopt our hip-less wonder dog Zoe, and keep her happy and healthy for 13.5 years. She is a light in our lives, and many others, a neighborhood mascot. A sole tomato plant is only the icing on our cake. Zoe is the cake. Don’t ask me what kind of cake because it will determine north and south and the “war of northern aggression.” Let’s call it what Mom used to make for our birthdays. Viennese Chocolate Pecan Torte. I don’t have the recipe and she’s gone nine years. Dee

 

Our Girl

Old dog Zoe is slowing down. It takes her longer to want to go out. She is very healthy, just getting old at nearly 95 in “people years.” A young guy stopped me last evening. He said she was the best dog in the neighborhood and stopped to pet her.

He asked how old she is, 13.5 years, and when we got her, the day she turned six weeks old. They gave us one of those cardboard boxes and she jumped out, I threw the box into the back and she sat on my lap with the window cracked about two inches and she sniffed the breeze and has loved being in a car ever since. It’s called “going with.”

We went through a lot with her, getting her hips removed due to severe dysplasia and growing her own from cartilage and physical therapy (my husband used to sneak her into pools) and I walked her as was advised by her surgeon.

The guy I met asked her breed(s) and where we got her. He said if he could have a dog like Zoe for nearly 14 years he’d get one like her immediately. Yeah, me too, I should lend her out so he can get a girlfriend and get married! They can get a dog. I always said dog before kids, I need to see how bad my husband is with a dog before we have a kid. He’s horribly good, the fun and walk guy. I’m the food wench and disciplinarian. When I leave to run errands, she sits at the door awaiting my return. She is happy to see him return from a week across the country or world.

I think we may do her DNA test and see what other breeds she has in her fascinating, herding, staring at us for what she wants, Kong, personality. It’s nearly six in the morning and she’s UBD (Under Bed Dog) as in summer, the sun comes up early so she goes underneath to get her beauty sleep. At 95, she looks better than me! Heel! Dee

 

Arancini

My favorite Italian grocery has OO flour, that I usually use for my pizza dough. Yesterday I wanted to taste my first arancino and the deli guy said the meat was better than the vegetarian one. My husband has a lunch today and I’ve mine, leftovers in the best way.

In Scotland one has the “Scotch Egg” that is a boiled egg covered with sausage, breading and fried.

In Italy one has something in the middle, usually meat, covered with cooked rice and fried and served with tomato sauce. It was delicious!

I am certain that every nation and culture has their version of a fried meatball. It is sad that I waited all these years of culinary exploration to try arancini, just because I didn’t mentally understand it. This is the place we get our pasta, cheeses, sandwiches and I never found a place in my heart for arancini. It’s there now! Cheers, Dee

Docs and Codes

I went through a lot helping spay/neuter 2,500 feral cats, many more now since I moved to a place where they shoot cats and ask questions later.

As head of Transport I made sure the cats got down the line from tipping (tip the right ear as these cats are smart enough never to be trapped again and caretakers know which ones had already been done), so ears and vaccines. At the end of the line was fleas and combing. I had to make sure the cat did not awaken during that time before he/she was put in a numbered crate. We took good care of them as I had crate cleaners pre-surgery and breathers post-surgery. Good folks.

If the tag came out with a code for tapeworms I knew the docs or ER would take care of it. If I found it I just brought the cat back into the OR to document the issue so ER could issue the drug. Docs asked how I knew a cat had tapeworms. Little pieces of rice that move. After a couple of months they believed me and signed the order. This is the only time this cat has to be healthy so if he/she has any type of worms it is the time to fix it.

I quickly learned all the codes I had to transmit to ER and Transport and Breathers, they made rounds and made certain they were breathing until they awakened from anesthesia. I made my own wake-up list on my computer so they could check a form so they knew one had not awakened as yet (extra care) and another was just taking a nap.

Two stories, sad and scary. I’ll do scary first.

An eight-week old kitten came out of surgery and was barely breathing. ER was a van. I climbed in and had to give him slight acupressure until he was breathing on his own. I called for a volunteer to get his crate by number and lifted him into it. He had extra breather instructions to keep a close eye on him and he was OK.

The saddest was when I saw a Dr. code I did not recognize. HBC. I asked ER what it meant. She said Hit By Car. The docs did everything they could do but he didn’t make it and died in the van. We all cried. Fellow volunteers took photos that day, one of my butt reaching down to check on a cat before we had tables (made by volunteers, more like folding sawhorses with plywood). Heaven will bless them for that gesture. The other was of the cat, hoping for the best and not getting there that day. We did make a great difference but it was so sad to see one go.

Often when a family member is ill and actually has health insurance and is in hospital or hospice the best thing you can do is be there. Years ago my mother had cancer surgery and my new husband and I flew out to see her. We walked into the room after she had dismissed us over Thanksgiving then the next day because I got the flu and my dear husband said, after a couple of years, hello.

He changed the subject. He was not talking about her cancer, but about his father and selling the dairy and starting the ranch. He left to use the restroom and she said the nicest thing she ever said to me, “he’s a sweetheart.” I know, mom, I married him. She appreciated that he told her stories from a kind of life she’d never lived.

Be kind. Back up your beliefs. Love your family and friends. Cheers, Dee

Weekend “Worst Things”

I would rather turn out 32 rescued Greyhounds weekly to respective pens on Sunday, from the worst track imaginable, feed and medicate them. I would rather spend nine hours one Saturday per month spaying and neutering 200 feral cats…..

than clean the frig. My husband and I did it yesterday. He got rid of the trash, I cleaned shelves and drawers and ran an extra dishwasher load of some of my favorite dishes. Some of them are stored up high so he’ll help me with that for one minute today.

Yes, I had science projects. Even if I still had the microscope “Santa” gave me in grade school I wouldn’t recognize the mold.

Now I have to do the freezer by myself. There’s a large drawer that has to be pulled out to clean beneath as the ice maker spits ice all the time and one marinade did not freeze and exploded. Stealth and quickness in keeping frozen things frozen. Our dog would be very upset if her 6 pounds of frozen raw food stuck together because it melted. I would be, as well, because I’d have to use a cleaver to pry it apart.

Ah, married life. You can tell that I cook and do dishes because when we were here four years, the kitchen sink nearly fell below. It’s an under-mount sink so they had to prop and glue it back in. I believe we got take-out that evening waiting for it to cure, and cereal in the morning. Sandwiches for lunch. No-one here ever cooks, but me.

I love cooking for us, family and guests and now we have nearly a blank canvas, frig-wise. I did find this awful organic peanut butter that I could never use for our dog’s “Kongs” (which we freeze when we go out) because it had to be stirred, how I do not wish to know. The oil was on top and had to be mixed in. It’s a dog. I’ll buy her favorite peanut butter and not from the organic store. It’s only a teaspoon per Kong.

My husband started on the frig without me and we worked together well. It took an hour but we got it done. After 1:00 Sunday we missed events in town. He got sandwiches and I took a nap. Now that’s marriage. Cheers! Dee