“I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend Twitter, though not its licensing agreement, help my daughter sell clothing at Macy’s, fire at will any member of my Cabinet who tries to advise me, and perhaps someday actually read the Constitution of the United States and realize why I am sitting behind this desk in an oval office with bulletproof glass and horrific American art.” So help me, Russia.
OK, time to redecorate, everything in 24K gold. Even the Resolute desk. Sell that and re-make it in gold. Who elected me to be here, anyway? I just wanted to say I was President, not do it. What were those morons thinking??? Rubes, the American “people.” Let’s take away their jobs and ability to get health care so a lot of the idiots die. And hire all my kids to Cabinet posts. Put Melania in the kitchen. Wives are just millions per dozen. And what’s happening with my hair?