Tag Archives: care

100

No, not posts, I’m way beyond that. Years. My dear friend lost her mother, age 100.

She’s a hospice nurse/manager of a bunch of people now. When she was an ER nurse years ago she told me to keep all my dog’s stuff right where it was before she died until I was ready to let go of it. She was correct.

I advised her to take her own advice. Wait and find out where your mother, in hopefully a will, told you where things go, or if you have to wing it, choose the daughter who loved that pin or that set of earrings.

Now my old dog is in our favorite park we enjoyed together near a tree our neighbors bought the City in her memory. My mother’s ashes are in the Pacific Ocean.

One story I can tell is that our first “date” 14 years ago included 14 pet visits, including my dear friend’s dog Harley, fish Dave (Harley-Davidson), cats Moccasin and Coppertop and a bird Tweety.

I know what I’ll do, go to the Harley-Davidson Museum in honor of Mom. And herring. Hey, girls, what do you think? Harleys, not herring. All for now, Dee

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Loved Ones

When a loved one is in hospital or hospice, every night take notes. Write essential questions and get to the hospital early. The docs like to visit for their 3-5 minutes before family arrive so be there and have your questions ready.

Get them answered. When you ask why X has not responded to the surgery and is sicker than before it, Doc will tell you it’s normal and to check back tomorrow. Then you find out the wrong surgeon did the operation of a specialist who didn’t show up and caused cancer to go everywhere and kill your loved one, X.

Be very kind to the nurses. Doc’s are only there for five minutes per day. Nurses have shifts. Get to know their names. Ask them questions and leave the room when needed (if Y needs bathing, a linens change and such).

Eat. Do leave while your loved one sleeps. You must keep up your strength. Coffee, soda and machine-generated snacks do not count. Get out. Breathe a bit of fresh air. Arm yourself for the next battle.

Talk with friends and family. Even if you’re a long-time spouse whose lifetime love and best friend is in that hospital bed, reach out to others.

If the situation is serious and Z will not make it take a few moments to compose yourself and assure yourself you are ready for the loss and will recoup from it bringing Z’s love, wishes and intents with you. Then talk to Z and see what s/he wishes. Last rites? Burial, papers, who to contact. Contact everyone s/he asked about and ask if they’ve anything to convey. Do not ask them all to visit. Anyone who stays around for a few days is close. You don’t want the boss or golf partner showing up out of the blue, that’s what funerals are all about and why acquaintances are not at the hospital with you and other family members.

If needed, make final arrangements. Hopefully there is a will and executor of such. Get through the formalities, even if you must host a post-funeral event.

Grieve. By being there you’ve done much of it. Rest. Get away for a week or two. You have life, and hopefully your spouse, sibling or friend will care for you as you did for Z, Y, or X. Always with hope for ailing friends, Dee

Parents

You love them since birth, get to know each other. Then you learn to rebel in your teens, hopefully go to college and it’s a new world.

You’re two-thirds their equal and then you have a career and are off to do great things with the degree you both bought.

Then you marry and have kids, whoops we missed that last one. We married late for both of us and only have a dog, and neither of my parents ever met our girl. She’s a requested visitor at his parents’ ranch. Best dog in the family. We got Zoe at a shelter at just six weeks of age and she’ll be eleven years old this month.

Just as I take care of my husband and dog it has been time over the past ten years to take care of my parents. Mom has been gone over six years and Dad is undergoing second opinion tests at a stellar hospital. They were there for me. I was there for my mother and always will be for Dad.

My husband is younger and his parents are in good health. He will help me assist Dad and I will be there for his parents and for him if ill health occurs.

I don’t want to make waves but the health care marketplace is not ours and paying in full for health care involves long waits on the phone and no answers, mainly because no-one picks up the phone at major health care companies. Imagine a health insurance company denying service to a full-paying customer. That’s another story, another day.

There are now two heavy, zippered notebooks. One for what is and the other for what might be. Swingline is now making crummy staplers but I’ve a hole punch and lots of dividers for health care, housing, tax deductions, insurance, utilities, et al.

Planning for life is just a little bit of it. Oh, while I’ve loved Swingline staplers for all my life, their products have failed miserably and I’ve had to go with a competitor. My new stapler arrives tomorrow. Our papers in my incredibly organized notebooks require essential items to be placed together for easy sorting. I need a stapler that works. Sorry, Swingline. Cheers! Dee

Food and Care and Writing

Yes, I’ve been remiss on the latter. So much so an old friend called me the other day because I’d missed a few days of blogs.  I’ve been ill and no-one was here to help me out because we’ve agreed for my husband to take a consulting contract elsewhere for a short term.

Food has always been a key ingredient in my existence and I realize its potential for sustenance, health, fun, entertaining and creativity. Care is something I’ve always specialized in, something that always lets me know that I’m making a worthwhile effort.

I made killer chicken wings the other day and sent a few out for taste tests. Now I only have to find my “seat of the pants” recipe for all y’all. It included soy sauce, Indonesian (sweet) soy sauce, mirin, sesame oil, chili and garlic paste, sriracha and honey. Plus finely grated garlic and ginger. Proportions, I know.

The wings were marinated in the frig for a day, extra wing discarded and big two separated. Oven to 375, place wings on sprayed foil on cookie sheet(s). Cook for 30 minutes while you reduce marinade to a syrupy glaze. Glaze the wings, ten more minutes in the oven and you’ve juicy, tasty wings.

Now all I have to do for you it test it a number of times and give you both the exact marinade/glaze and one that accounts for if you don’t have Indonesian soy sauce. I’ll get to it but you may want to try your own, with salty, sweet, hot flavors.

There’s a lot going on here. I’m not cooking as much, or writing. I miss my husband, who I haven’t seen in two months. Let’s hope that will be corrected very soon. Cheers, Dee

ps Thank you old friend, for checking in on me. I’m glad you and our buddies are doing well. You protected me the first night of college orientation and you’re still with me decades later. I believe the rule is that if there are no bars toward women in your fraternity via articles and bylaws, when certain women have married in or achieved exalted status they should become honorary members at age 50. No shaving of heads, no paddles. Think about it.