Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! My bete noire is insects. They’ve loved me all my life. Show me a bee, wasp, no see-um, gnat, mosquito or spider that doesn’t come to see me. We always had to protect out west against the spiders, bitten in my sleep by several nasty hoboes, but never came across a Recluse.

My new husband almost lost me when the no see-ums took up space in standing water. Now we keep all our windows and front door closed and sealed. Why? We live over an old railroad track that is now, gleefully, a hike and bike path. Wait, it not only has mosquitoes, but rapists. Zoe and I don’t go there anymore, alone.

Said path has standing water 12 months per year with biting insects. I have been to every jurisdiction and no-one will do anything about it. The best lie I’ve been told was that these 4″ of fetid water is protected by the MMPA, the Marine Mammal Protection Act and cannot be messed with, I replied that I’ve never seen a porpoise or blue whale in 4″ of water, off a lake.

So here I am getting spider bites. They hurt and take a while to heal. My husband is away for a few days so decided to get me probably 100 sticky spider traps. With attractant. They smell like a stink spiders may enjoy. I took the entire package, wrapped it in a tall kitchen bag and placed it out in the cold on our balcony and shut the sealed door.

Thank you, dearest, for thinking of me. If I place that entire package in a closet I’ll be inviting every spider in the neighborhood to visit. Like a dog in heat with male visitors. (Don’t worry, I always spay our dogs and to date have only adopted two females, no males, since 1991). The trap package is staying outside in the snow until my husband returns. Then I’m giving some away, already have a few recipients. With love to my husband, cheers to you, Dee


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