Tag Archives: leadership

Do Unto Others

I’d like to mix that with something I heard last week from former VP Mike Pence at the Republican debate about leadership not including compromise. Yes, I worked for the government and with/against governmental policies for ten years, writing and justifying new laws so have some experience in that realm, combined with common sense learned over a lifetime.


Politically, most American voters are in the middle, I’d guess about fifty percent around the center could agree on nearly anything. Our government works as a three-legged stool, remove one and the others will not stand. Same with going against most of the people, most of the time. It doesn’t work. Please the liberals all the time or the conservatives, doesn’t matter, the middle gets sick of it and puts things back on an even keel.

Leadership in a democracy always includes compromise. Try being a tourist not speaking a foreign language while trying to buy something, let’s say an Italian leather bag at an outdoor market that should cost about $50. The seller wants $75, I want to pay $25, so we find a fair price together and I go home with my beautiful leather bag. If I don’t compromise, I either pay the $75 or end up with nothing. That’s how things work inside the Beltway. I need a new bridge in my district, you need a Pentagon project to keep building widgets in yours. Deal.

There are two things going on right now. First is a trend away from democracy, which I believe has to be stopped at all costs. Second is “cheating” to get what one wants in the immediate future without considering long-term consequences. We don’t write laws for one person, we can’t do that. Firing a state or federal prosecutor or eliminating their office budget/individual salary is ridiculous and an offense to the rule of law, which has ways of weeding out particularly bad prosecutors and unethical lawyers. But today, it seems that political power for power’s sake is the only thing that matters, damn the Constitution, full speed ahead.

What legislators don’t understand is that the minute the opposition party takes office, and the pendulum is always swinging, they’ve set a precedent or written a law that enables the entire side to be wiped out for mere political reasons.

When a democrat won the governorship in my state, a nearly-bulletproof gerrymandered republican majority voted weeks before he took office to remove a number of gubernatorial powers and give them to the legislature. Why? Because they didn’t like that they lost. When that goes around, it’ll come around, and one can only hope it will be righted by putting those powers back where they belong and not by going overboard because, as we tell our kids, two wrongs don’t make a right.
The majority in our Supreme Court changed earlier this year and the new Justice was just sworn in. The first thing the Legislature plans to do is impeach her, before she even rules on a case. That’s bad sportsmanship taken to a ludicrous level.


When I see politicians acting stupid, and many do, their actions can often be equated to those of errant children. Our moral upbringing shows that we know this and teach our children not to lie or cheat or treat people badly, but some adults choose to do it anyway.


Do you want to ban Muslims from entering this country? Substitute the word Muslim for your religion or ethnicity and see if you still feel the same way. There are comparatively few transgender people in our society, even fewer elite transgender athletes, so how can I come to any harm if we just all go on living our lives? If you don’t want your kids to read certain literature, fine. But you’ve no right to tell me what my kid can read or take To Kill A Mockingbird away from the school or town library or even bookstores.

Our Constitution planned for give and take, push and pull, and crafted a document that helps us negotiate through difficulties if we all stay in our lanes (legislators make laws, administrations administer said laws, courts adjudge). We need to respect it, the rule of law, and the role of public service in a democracy. A life of public service, military or civilian, is a noble cause, not something to be sneered at. Public servants have families, too, and do their apolitical and specialized jobs very well. Who else is going test the new wonder drug to cure cancer? Or accurately predict severe weather to minimize deaths? Or when I turn 65, put my social security check in the mail on time?


The bottom line is to respect each other and try to see the reason in another’s opinion before automatically coming to the conclusion that the person who disagrees with you on policy is an idiot, evil or a lifelong enemy. Your kids are still on the same soccer team, after all, and they’re expected to respect each other, and their parents. Give peace a chance! Dee

Freedom and Light

Everything is black. There is light above, in the distance, shining through shards of glass and pieces of canvasses covered with my favorite art, Renaissance and Impressionist, all triangular and just out of reach. I reach for the next one, it’s circling and its sharp edges cannot be reached. Jumping now, I grab it and begin to pull myself up.

Bright light intervenes and I’m in a beautiful setting with palm trees and sand, then I awaken in my old cement block college dorm room and there’s a blow-up palm tree sitting on my desk with a paper I’ve yet to finish. Repeat ad nauseum.

Finally, I emerge into the light, and am free. See, I’ve been a coma for a month, trapped in my mind and body and unable to get out. One thing I remember clearly is a blank grey space into which I said “If this is death, I need to go back, I’ve got stuff to do.” And I do.

For three months after I awoke, I was told I was the hardest working patient on the brain trauma floor. Near the end of my confinement a shrink who should lose his license said to all the other doctors and therapists, in front of me: “Is this the smart one? Well, she’ll never get out of here or will spend her days in a place just like this and no, she’ll never drive again.”

Two weeks later I was home. A month after that I passed my driving test (tester said it was like I’d never been away) and then as a ward of the state I was supposed to show up in court so I could be institutionalized. I called my state attorney and he said he forgot to contact the court to have my status reversed. I told him I would represent myself and my husband was on the road but would be at court virtually. Oops! In one fell swoop, my identity, no, existence, was erased. They sent a lawyer to evaluate me surreptitiously. Mom taught me to be a great hostess so I asked him if he’d like me to brew him some tea, he sat down and discussed the weather then quickly excused himself, knowing I was sane and would be fine.

Perhaps the injury jiggled things around a bit but I had a cataract and after surgery for that, I was able to get corrective lenses and read and therefore write again. Thank you, WordPress, for being here still for my return. Someone stole my blog address while I was gone but I was able to change to a .com instead of .net and everything for the past ten years came back to me. Writers block kept me away for a while.

But I wasn’t afraid of much else, as a death scare tends to put things into perspective. Like for nearly everyone else, 2020 was mostly bad with decent health but no work. Politics became more of an interest, but that’s because I like to imagine my way around sticky situations. Always a problem-solver, I also think outside the box (now, literally).

It bothers me that I live in a swing state and for months our president, US senator and state legislature have tried to illegally rob me of my vote. My vote is my voice, a precious thing. I spent a month convincing myself to get out of my own way to be free. If I can do that, I can do anything. I’m pretty stubborn, ask my husband if you still don’t believe me!

I believe that we have rights and should be able to exercise those rights in a lawful fashion. We live in a democracy that awards us certain freedoms and with freedom comes responsibility. We vote for people to represent us and maintain our rights. If they choose not to represent us fairly and tell us the truth, we have a right to un-elect them through the ballot box or even a recall election if their faults are egregious.

This has been a dark year for our country and for the world. Judging from our democracy, many of its leaders have not dealt with the challenges well. It is our responsibility to assure that we have people in leadership positions to help us through these dark times so we all can see the light.

As I see it, it’s not about Democrat or Republican, it’s now about America. This week’s activities to overthrow our government should scare all of us. We must do better. We must meet in the middle and fix this mess, and we must start by accepting the truth. On January 20, our country is going to be on a new path, whether one likes it or not. Americans, starting with President Trump, can no longer pretend that Donald Trump will be leading this country at 12:01 p.m. next Wednesday. Alternate reality is not reality, folks.

After my dark year, a year before COVID-19 shattered our lives and livelihoods, I had a chance to strive for light. Our old dog Zoe was with me at the hospital but died before I awakened. She was a gift we named “Zoe,” Greek for life when we adopted her fifteen years earlier. Our old girl could never be replaced but on December 31, 2019 a puppy was born. Eight weeks later Lulu came home with us to start a new chapter. Lucia, Italian for “bringer of light.” Zoe would have approved.

I’m looking forward to light, and freedom. And a COVID vaccine shot. I’ll wait my turn for the vaccine, but not for the rest. Buon’anno, Dee

Morning Has Broken

It’s a couple hours ’til that here and we were up late due to fireworks displays that are always done on the 3rd big-time. Nice display, not Pyro Paula but close. I think the “big city” lets the little ones have their displays on the 4th.

Leadership. I was twelve. Everyone in class was a year older and I was a teeny girl. The natives started getting restless. I asked them to stack the chairs in the back of our wonderful light-filled, wood-floored classroom and grabbed the first album I saw and placed it on the record player. The former Cat Stevens sang Morning Has Broken. Then I put on Gordon Lightfoot’s If You Could Read My Mind.

I was a dancer and early gymnast. I had everyone stand an arms’ length apart and we did a light stretching session for 30 minutes. The teacher never showed up. We ended up with a very quiet and relaxed class who got along and went on with their day.

That day, thanks to courage and the right music, I became the leader Dad always wanted me to be. I organized and calmed down 30 kids, all older than me, just by playing music and relaxing their muscles. Lean to the right, lean to the left. Try to reach your toes. Stay ten seconds, nine, eight…..

I wish schools now would do that every day, ADHD would be at a minimum! The chaos that is awakening, dressing and eating a toaster waffle and catching the bus impacts a child’s day, especially if it is me, being taunted on the school bus by three bullies down the street. They did it once, and 12 family members (kids), from them and their cousins, addressed the bullies non-violently and the bullies never spoke to me or harassed me again. I remain in touch with those families. Not the bullies.

We lived in the country, outside a small village. At birthday parties we built hay forts at the neighbors’ and ran around in cattle dung. Of course my sister and I had to wear white blouses, skirts, lace anklets and patent leather Mary Janes to do so when everyone else was in jeans or overalls and boots. You wouldn’t like to be me after the first such party at age eight. Oh no, my little sister couldn’t be blamed at all. I was responsible as the eldest.

Leadership is a gift and a burden. Dad would tell you that, may he rest in peace. I believe it is a presence and a sense of purpose, smarts, and knowing who you’re dealing with at the moment.

Years ago the light from the 2nd floor windows, bare wood floors and the music helped calm thirty unruly students when our teacher failed to attend class. At age 12 I had no teaching certificate, but at the end of that “class” everyone talked to each other and got along. That was my certificate. Happy 4th! Dee

Jobs

I used to know what kind of job I was going for. Now everything has changed and I’ve several ideas why:

We need a leader who will engage other leaders and provide leadership opportunities for other leaders to lead and make our company a leader.

You must be self-directed (but management will ride you every step)

Facilitate equals do it by yourself, no-one is around for help or guidance.

Participate is always a good one. Participate means everyone has to leave their real work for several hours to hear a “leader” tell them about participation then have that person not follow through.

At least ten years experience. That means they’ll pay for one year experience.

We have distributed teams means you’ll be on the phone at 1:00 a.m. and 4:00 a.m. with India and London after working a 14-hour day and crawling into bed after a slice of pizza, only to get up and do it all over again in two hours.

We want someone to foster/mentor. No. Cutting costs is the issue. Manage deliverables, that’s your job.

Galvanizing force/change agent. Never happens. That’s a trick to get somewhat smart people to bite the hook. Really smart people don’t bite. I’ve been a change agent and right now would rather be a free fish.

We want you on our team. We’ll call you, interview you, perhaps have lunch with you but we don’t have any jobs right now and can’t afford to hire you so may call you if we have an opening in a few months.

I can’t tell you the kicker, because if I did I’d have to kill you (kidding of course). I think when pen and paper, ink and paper went away the world was a different place. We only had a few resumes to send out and only knew about a few jobs that were open. I believe it was a more honest society. If I have to type the resume and attach references it takes a lot of work.

That would mean that if I get the job the employer is somewhat invested in me and everything may go well. Now one applies online, and may be hired that way, perhaps with a phone interview. It’s no wonder there’s no personal investment either way.

My grandmother (my husband’s grandmother as I never had one) said it would be OK for us to marry if I made sure he got a job for 50 years and a gold watch at the end of his career. I said to dear Nanny that the world doesn’t work that way anymore and your grandson is in software. God bless her, she now has learned to shop online and my husband has assured that she has an Apple so his “tech calls” are now few.

Nanny and my mother both knew stenography. My story is one of the private sector, not even government. That would be another story, another day. Take care and beware the NSA every day, Dee

 

Failed Girl Scout

Yes, I failed my sewing badge at age eight, and my “leader” called all the girls over to laugh at my handiwork. A couple of months later I did well selling cookies, but they don’t let the girls go door-to-door in this day and age.

What was missing? I’m a really good cook but when we went camping and were told to bring a bar of soap and soap our pans I soaped the inside, thinking that we were making sure the pans were clean before we cooked our hot dogs. Once again, our leader pointed out my error (not an error at all in my book, today) and had all the other girls come over and laugh at how stupid I was. Four months was enough to know this wasn’t a positive educational experience.

Leadership was missing. I’ve taken those lessons, turned them around and used them to lead volunteers and non-profit organizations. I look for strengths and encourage them, and correct mistakes without making the person look dumb.

My husband was a geek from day one, turned out to be a gifted physicist and software engineer and leader. And I also give him good scores on EQ (emotional intelligence quotient) most of the time which means he’s not a nerd always.

The difference is that he’s always called my soc/psych and consulting skills “soft skills” whereas physics and math are hard skills. It turns out we’re doing similar things as he has moved out of hard-core coding the past few years. He’s developing and moving serious software through to production, and doing it by hiring people and honing their skills, teaching automated test-driven development to make a product that will be bug-free and last for years.

Many years ago I developed volunteers and we spayed and neutered over 2,000 feral cats in southern California. We took our dog in for her shots the other day and were talking about needed treatments. I told her that if I found a cat on the grooming table with tapeworms I’d take it back to the OR and recorder to order Droncit as this cat was smart enough not to be trapped twice so responding to every present medical issue was essential. For the first few months they’d question me and I’d say “little grains of rice that move” and after that they trusted me but had to record it. Then I’d take it to ICU, a SUV where fluids and flea and other treatments were dispensed and we’d watch all the cats in their crates until they awakened from anesthesia.

I even invented the Dee’s Kitty Wake-Up List that helps the breathers document their health. It’s still in place, renovated and after over 10 years no longer attributed to me. That’s a good thing.

Honesty and persistence, and no less than quality work given the client, company and staff. That’s the only way to go. We’re problem solvers who would drive each other nuts if we worked together all day long.

I knew the first time my husband opened the car door for me and took my hand that we’d be together forever and as I’ve gotten to know him over the years I know that he doesn’t compromise on honesty, persistence, quality work and leadership. Luckily we agree on all those principles.

So, it doesn’t matter that I don’t sew, but I do cook and keep everything clean and can probably thank the scout “leader” who did everything in her power to ridicule me, plus some great teachers and parents to allow me to look back on this humiliation with wisdom and not anger. And if I had money and a foundation to give money, certain organizations that do great work on a shoestring budget and use volunteers wisely and make a difference would be first on my list. Cheers, Dee

Oh, Marcel

I’ve been a devotee of Top Chef since its beginning. Even though Central time placed it an hour later and Mountain time placed it two hours later. I don’t stay up until midnight on a weekday (or weekend) so usually have to find it on a re-run.

Tonight Marcel lost. I’d like to say he lost for his addiction to “foams” but alas, he did not. He was dealt a good hand in winning the quickfire and given a team to choose. I don’t know whether he just looked for who hated him the least or what his selection criteria. Despite the expected foam, the most egregious fault of Marcel is that he doesn’t like people, doesn’t relate to them and can’t fathom a way to herd these cats into submission. So he gave up and tried to show off his own dishes.

A team leader leads. Mostly by example, so there was no there, there. People think they can go all the way on their own (and Hung did by refusing to help anyone even though they’d helped him). That tactic doesn’t work in life or work, perhaps only on a show where people want to win money.

I can’t imagine doing anything spectacular without teamwork and have had teams around me my entire life. I was not the best gymnast in high school but my peers voted me captain two years in a row. And I had words with a team-mate leagues above us who competed and wanted to leave. I told her that we were all there to cheer for her, so the team would cheer others in this competition. She was on the team and not above us, and would be there for everyone or I’d cut her from the team immediately. She saw my way and thanked me for it afterwards, well, a while afterwards.

Everyone sees movies where chefs are yelling and creating havoc in the kitchen. I do that in my own kitchen, when the dog smells meat. I do believe that any successful chef needs teamwork in the kitchen and people who respect him/her. If a chef has five restaurants, where is he/she all the time? If you can’t trust your team, you can’t leave the kitchen for an evening, a week’s vacation or to have other restaurants that carry your name.

Top Chef All-Stars was right to send Marcel home because even at age 30, he still doesn’t have a clue how to be a team player or how to lead a team. By winning a quick fire challenge he got the big one that there was no way he could win. Keep cooking! Dee