Category Archives: Editorial

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Groupon For Friends?

Posted on April 18, 2012 | 1 comment

There’s a harbinger of change here, yet another dangerous change to our social network. There’s now a service that allows one to charge guests to attend a party.

Back in the day one had a party, say dinner for eight, and guests corresponded by hosting another dinner party at which the host couple was invited as guests.

No, today we want to give our guests a chance to pay for their dinner, so the regular “moocher” doesn’t get off so easy. There’s an answer for that. Don’t invite him. And as for paying for dinner, proper guests know to bring a nice bottle of wine or flowers for the hostess.

Then again, guests are calling brides-to-be and saying they’re bringing their toddler to a formal evening affair, or calling to say they’re allergic to partridge or tofu or whatever.

Where is Dear Prudence (Slate) when we need her? Let me try to channel her in the moment. If you’re a college student, everyone kicks in for the keg and you can also pass a hat if you need a second keg.

If you’re an adult trying to live in society, have a job and want to move up rather than down, the ladder, host strategic dinner parties. Treat your bosses and colleagues well, and treat your friends well, too. Read a book on etiquette. I was raised on several and yes, did have to walk with a book on my head.

Yes, there’s always someone who hosts more dinners than anyone else and who takes in “strays” over the holidays. That would be our house. We spend more, yes, but we live richer lives for doing so.

One gal puts together an incredible package that includes wine, food, even dead tennis balls for the dog! She’s a regular, we miss her 1,500 miles away but she visits, often.

You don’t charge your friends for dinner. If they can’t reciprocate for some reason (can’t cook, laid off temporarily) suck it up. They’re your friends! If they become perpetual moochers, don’t invite them to your home. Unless it’s your brother-in-law, then suck it up as he’ll be there forever and divorce is the only option. Hope this helps! The Feminist Homemaker, Dee

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Making the Most of Things

Posted on April 18, 2012 | 6 comments

I like to shop the outside of the store: produce; fish & meat; dairy; breads. Not wanting to buy more than we need I broke with tradition and bought a prepared tray of veggies with a dip. Cherry tomatoes, snow peas, broccoli, carrots et al were cleaned and cut (something I usually do myself).

Yes, for under $10 one can get a veggie tray at a major natural foods store. But what to do with the leftovers? If you know cooking times, put in the carrots and broccoli first, saute everything with a little olive oil and garlic, salt and pepper and it makes for a wonderful, colorful side dish for another meal.

My husband hates the thought of leftovers, and always says “let’s go out.” But when I can have/make more than we need and make it look and taste different, he’s a happy camper.

As it is we’ve got a month on our lease and I haven’t seen my kitchen for over three years so perhaps I’ll put this to the test and freeze things and make life easier so I’m not shopping for dinner all the time.

Big fun tonight before flying out for the weekend. Cleaning a jetted tub we’ve never used because it’s growing black mold. All we need is bleach, dishwasher detergent, hot water and running the jets for 15 minutes and trying not to puke as we see what comes out from the former occupant. Said occupant ruined marble counter in the bath and played hockey on the wood floors in the living/dining area. Sounds like a hot date to me! Aahhhhhh, together time after nearly ten years of marriage.

Must get lists together. Print boarding passes, car, hotel, dog sitter. Thanks for reading and participating! Cheers from The Feminist Homemaker. Dee

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Foodie News

Posted on April 17, 2012 | Leave a comment

Heard from a friend who told me to try Schmidt’s, a sausage house nearby. Will do!

Today I found Weisswurst in the prepared sausage section of Whole Foods. Never have I found that item at any butcher or deli. So tonight is German Night. My dad is German/Swiss so this is for our ancestors. Weisswurst is a white veal sausage.Mom always served it with brown gravy. Mine’s a mix tonight.

I’m going to slowly saute it until it browns and heats through, without bursting. Also, I’ll make rosti, shredded potatoes. And just to keep the theme going, my grandmother’s cucumber salad with apple cider vinegar and sugar. Plus I’ll cook up some cherry tomatoes to mess with things and make it “Dee.”

Spoke with a Greek lady today, who cooked for Greek Orthodox Easter on Sunday. Twenty-eight guests! She found a Serbian grocery that spit-roasted an entire lamb for her! Cool lady and she gave me their card. It’s not a spot one would go to (Lucky Mini Mart?) but behind the scenes it’s a thriving Serbian scene with sausages et al.

Plus, on weekends they spit-roast an entire pig and a lamb and sell it by the pound. I’m salivating already and haven’t even been there. We’ll check it out next weekend.

Sorry I’ve been remiss in writing. My list grows longer and time grows shorter and there’s a glitch with everything, like Jim’s shirts are sitting in another guy’s apartment, and his former employer messed up his W-2 so we owed money instead of getting a little back.

Credit card hacked, double-charging my card for flights, everything becomes an “issue” and I’m ready, as soon as we move to the place that I want (another issue) to settle down to a normal life.

For now I want to meet more “locals,”see some museums, some Frank Lloyd Wright architecture, eat German, Polish, Russian, Jewish food. Walk on the beach with the dog. And Jim, my husband, of course. Get the snow tires changed to all-weather. And pay my new bills online. After the taxes are re-filed. Cheers! Dee

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Monsters, In a Good Way

Posted on April 10, 2012 | 2 comments

We walked out to dinner last night into a slumber party of young girls and the birthday girl, her mom and grandmother. What a sweet memory that will be.

So, of course, Jim went to get the balloons and first made a hat for the birthday girl, then something for all the others and finished with Wile E Coyote, with a red balloon in his hand that says TNT!

This morning one of the girls stopped by with a hand-drawn card from every girl there with a drawing of their hat or dog or Wile E Coyote. I have to tell you it’s the sweetest card we’ve ever gotten and we’ll have to place it in a double-glass frame in Jim’s office. He’s wicked smart but has never had fans so far!

Thanks to Grandma, Mom, Dad, Girls. Your new friend, Dee

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Like My Menus

Posted on April 9, 2012 | Leave a comment

I also fall into place. Most of the people I know and love are true Type A personalities. I look for the job and narrow it down and something tells me to take one. When I haven’t waited for it my job has stunk.

Whether it’s a feeling in my heart or my gut, I know when something is right. That’s how I met my husband, how we got our dog, how I got our new temporary apartment with 24 hours notice, and they even furnished it in that time.

I know when a job is right for my husband and he’s only contradicted me once and it was a disaster. I don’t tell people this, they’ll think I’m a bit “teched in the head” but something/someone tells me the right thing to do. I’m not talking right vs wrong because I’ve been taught that from birth, just what is right for us now when a decision must be made about, say, a place to live. When I find it, I’ve found it. That’s it. Years later my husband says, “I love this place.”

Perhaps all those thousands of volunteer hours piled up and I get a break, but that’s not it because my husband was laid off, then after we paid to move, his credit card was hacked and I was just hacked last week as well. As I said to my brother-in-law, we have quiet times interrupted by utter chaos. And we get through those times, both quiet and chaos.

For those in our new town on Lake Michigan, I’m here. The right volunteer or consulting opportunity will find me. The Feminist Homemaker is in the ‘hood. Dee

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Falling into Place

Posted on April 9, 2012 | 2 comments

That’s what happens. Like yesterday. I didn’t even think of Easter dinner. But I got up, took out and fed the dog and she went back to bed with my husband. I took off to the grocery store, where as a newbie I’d checked the hours the evening before.

I bought what was freshest, what I determined on the fly: roast Lamb Robert (Jacques Pepin recipe online). I didn’t use the grill because it’s 13 floors down from our temporary apartment and didn’t want to leave Jim down there alone.

Scalloped potatoes – thinly sliced red ones with the skin on, a bit of half-and-half, salt and pepper in a 425 degree oven for an hour. And baby arugula sauteed in olive oil and garlic.

And after I put meat and potatoes in the oven my husband said, let’s drive to see these places to live. My response “It’s Easter Sunday!” Nothing’s open and I’m working on a great dinner!

Finally, he settled on taking dog Zoe for a walk, and we ate and he complimented me on a lovely meal. He didn’t eat the arugula, I cut up a raw carrot for him instead, no Val it won’t help his eyesight (top of the charts for contacts) but he likes them. Cheers! Dee

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New Ventures

Posted on April 8, 2012 | 1 comment

I keep the photo of our friend who married us on my desk, until his burial and our move where it may go somewhere more special. Other things are working out somewhat.

Friday, my husband worked from home and after lunch we spent an hour or so looking for fixtures he needs for a presentation. Tripod, lights et al for for an exhibition of white boards (the kind that help work flow).

I crashed about 10 pm and he stayed up ’til 3am as is the life of a software guy. Dog still got me up at six am and we’re still on alternate schedules. Unfortunately I’ve got to get him back on real time today.

We’ve been driving around seeing the city and I’ve been walking and taking a few photos as I’m always interested in buds and flowers coming up in a town that has a serious winter. Next thing is to move (where?) and take off the snow tires.

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday and I wish you well. I recall the year my sister and I received, in addition to our Mary Janes, a new coat and new dress, a pair each of matching Sears plaid sneakers.

Now we don’t know anyone, and usually are the stop for people with family out of town or across the world or alone. I always have food for all, and don’t this year, and no-one has invited us being new to town. I had to call the market and see if they are open so I can make something just for us.

It’s not like me. I always have adult “orphans” on holidays. Perhaps our gift to Goodwill will suffice. Cheers, Dee

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Bad Software

Posted on April 5, 2012 | 1 comment

My husband spent over two hours, three now, to get a flight on Air Tran to D.C. for the military burial of a dear friend.

Air Tran’s systems were down so Orbitz, Air Tran and Travelocity were unable to help online so my husband started working the phones.

His card was hacked last week so he has a temporary card so moved some money from savings for the flights. We finally got them after talking to a guy in India and being required to provide dates of birth (when TSA will get them anyway via driver’s license or passport).

Travelocity sent the charge through twice, wiped out my account so I filed a claim with our bank. Then I called them and they said because I used a debit card it is Travelocity’s policy to double charge to make sure the bill is paid.

Hello, I had $500 in my account (used solely for groceries) and they charged $1K. They said it’s no problem – to them – and the charge will drop off in a couple of days. I replied that I will NEVER use Travelocity again.

I’m not looking forward to this flight, possibly because I don’t want to see the burial of my dear friend but because I’d rather drive or take the train rather than fly these days.

If companies like Travelocity double charge customers routinely without disclosing that fact, they’ll go out of business quickly. I hope they will see this and change their practices asap. Hacked last week, robbed this week, what’s next? Dee

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Nothing Personal

Posted on April 3, 2012 | 1 comment

Nothing personal, when one gets laid off with 1/3 of the IT staff of what my mother-in-law calls Oops. It’s nothing personal when you expected to stay three months, then stayed three years in a home and when you give notice as required by the lease, you get treated like dirt.

It’s nothing personal in that we are living in a small apartment with rented furnishings and nothing on the walls, and it’s nothing personal when your bank account gets hacked. For the hackers, it was nothing personal, just routine business.

I told the entire story to our bank, Wells Fargo today, three times and was told they couldn’t help me, that was another division. Then they made me call the company where a card transaction was made and call back.

It’s nothing personal but before you ask me for my SSN and other information can you please connect me to the correct department? Two more transfers, then a machine saying that there’s high call volume and they can’t talk to me right now.

I think it’s time to change banks, but it’s nothing personal. Dee

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Father McGuinness

Posted on April 2, 2012 | Leave a comment

I hope he doesn’t mind my telling this story. He knows an abbreviated version of it. When my parents were to be married (Dad was Lutheran) they promised their children would be raised in the Roman Catholic Church.

An earlier story may be relevant to the main issue. At age seven, my younger sister told a nun at CCD (every week we left school early to go to religious instruction) she didn’t need the box with 52 envelopes for giving for the next year. Each envelope had our names on them so they could total our gifts.

The nun insisted. My sister said no. Finally my sister said “I won’t take them because we go to St. Patrick’s on Sunday, not St. Joseph’s!” Oops.

Move forward to four years ago and our mother is in wonderful hospice care. We know she only has a few days to live and her morphine intake is increasing to alarming rates for someone who is down to perhaps 70 lbs.

At dinner I mention a priest in front of my three siblings and my husband. Years ago my mother had said to a priest that if she wanted him, she’d go to church, if she wants a doctor, she’s in the hospital, which she was at the time.

They all said no. No religion, no priests. It took several hours but I finally got them to agree that if Mom said yes to a priest for last rites, it was her decision. Afterwards, to lighten the mood, I made a joke and spoke fake Irish and said I was Father McGuinness (my brother was sipping a Guinness at the time).

The next morning I visited my mother, and everyone else came as well. I talked with the chaplain and told her of our discussion and said my mother didn’t like me very much, never had, so could she broach the discussion of a priest.

She did and my mother said “yes” immediately. I thought she had little time left and the priest had just left for the day. I asked the chaplain to get him back.

An hour later, I left her room to use the restroom and a priest came towards me and said, “You must be Dee, my name is Father McGuinness.” We went into her room and he performed last rites and we all said that we loved her. Unbeknownst to me, my husband said, “I’ll take care of her.”

Fr. M turned out to be the priest of the parish she joined before she got cancer. I gave them a small donation (we were just out of Hurricane Ike) and he called me and I thanked him personally and told him this story.

We just moved to a very Catholic city, I try to stay in touch with my college sociology mentor, Fr. Cap, and there are reasons things happen. I know that my husband is here for a job. I’m here for another reason and someone will tell me what that is and I’ll know what I’m meant to do here.

I stopped by a church for the architecture and while the doors were locked, the plaque outside said the parish was “Three Holy Women.” I’m not religious, but have ended up at out-of-the-way churches giving women money to take care of feral cats, while studying Annunciation paintings in Florence.

I can’t call my mentor or Fr. McG, it’ll come to me. Yes, say that I’m crazy. There’s a lot going on and I need to do taxes, move, fly to an important burial all this month! Who knows. All I can say is thanks for reading and writing! Dee

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