Apparently my numbers aren’t what they’d like so they want to hear about my first death. I have ordered two deaths in my life, and I choose to tell you about the second. I attended both. The first was an old cat with heart problems complicated by pneumonia and when I held him I actually felt his spirit.
My sweet dog Chani, abused by a Sheriff and brought to a shelter at one year old, I started volunteering there the week she came in and we just hit it off. Even when I hurt my neck I was there with her every week. When euthanasia reared its ugly head I took this two year-old girl home and loved her for ten years.
She’d needed to urinate a bit more, 6X instead of four and I wanted to have her checked out. One day she went out to the park with all her buddies and brought a huge stuffed teddy bear that I’d bought at a garage sale for fifty cents. She always wanted her ball at the park and never brought a stuffed animal.
The next day I came home between meetings and took her out to go potty. Two hours later I returned and she fell out the front door. I called out and got a tile guy a couple of doors down to load her into my Jeep.
We got her in and weighed (89 lbs) and into an exam room. Everything happened so fast. Given the information I had, she was in extreme pain and had to be euthanized. Then two friends from the park had already shown up so I asked the vet if they could say goodbye, and they did. Then they took her down with pentothal and I couldn’t call them in because even though she was nearly dead from “bleeding out” she stood up five times.
I had to talk her down. She didn’t want to die, I’d like to think she didn’t want to leave the only mom she’d ever known. It haunts me to this day, as I remember where she was and how she stood up and fought the anaesthesia.
First I called dear friends and told M to pour me a glass of wine and sit down. I said I lost Chani. He said, “OK, we’ll get everyone together and find her.” By the time I got there, less than two minutes, he was out looking for me but had arranged for her ashes to be separate and returned to me.
That next day at the park was like running a gauntlet. The people who hated the dog owners years ago all loved Chani and the tot lot Moms all gave condolences. My friend Ana walked me to the dog place where we all hugged.
Weeks later a big fight came out when our neighbors wanted to donate a tree to the City in Chani’s memory. Since I was VP of the Board that approved such transactions and made sure that the landscaping and site and other design elements were OK with the City, it was a go.
We had a watering ceremony. Everyone got a tiny cup of water to place on the tree and city officials were there. All I can say is that my dog has the best view from our old neighborhood. Hope that helps, WP, I am Dee and I cook
Cooking with Dee 
A dear friend took that huge teddy bear, we placed a few ashes in a bag under the heart, now there’s a heart with felt and lace and beads and it’s in my closet today and will always be with me. D
The worst was Jesse, probably 9 at the time and he loved Chani. I took him aside and told him she was really sick and eliminated the end but said she didn’t make it. He cried. I let him and then told him to go back to his big brother and buddies and say I yelled at him for something. D