I haven’t been able to talk about this but need to do so not because of my family situation but the nurses and aides and doctors that participate in what one might call “a good death.”
My mother died nine months ago. For nearly two weeks she was in hospice care. She was brought against her will to hospital, was offered another surgery and reneged, and was moved to hospice across the street.
We were very lucky in several respects. She worked for the owner of the hospice years ago and set up his accounting systems; her pain medication expert physician was head of the hospice; the nurses and staff were very accommodating; and no-one dealt with us with “business” issues while we were there. They allowed, no, encouraged us to be with Mom every moment of every day. Yes, they did kick us out for bathing and we took meal breaks while she slept. I’m not saying that connections are essential to good care, it just happened that way for us.
I’m friends with several folks in the medical profession and one has moved to hospice care. I have to tell you I couldn’t do it. These people deserve extra rewards in heaven for what they do on a daily basis.
While turning a patient over on his side or providing extra pain medication is routine for them, they acknowledge not only the patient’s humanity, but the family and friends who are sitting by the patient’s side. One sees experience, but a newness to every patient and family that is comforting,
Something in me would like to think that by caring for an end-stage family member/friend/patient we give something back to the caretakers as well. All I really know is that I appreciated the care my mother received. Do not think of this post as a “downer.” Think of it as a way to help a loved one move on.
I’ve been thinking of Mom a lot, especially with the oatmeal cookie recipe. I even remember the recipe’s name. When I do get the time to try it out it may be necessary for a volunteer to do same at sea level. Ready, PDX? Know anything about small body guitars?
It is my goal to make a book of recipes that Mom gave to us “kids.” Unfortunately her recipes may be in a sealed unopened box that appeared two days before we put everything we owned in storage. It can wait. She and my aunts and many others taught me how to cook and I look forward to sharing that knowledge with you, once I find the key and drive 1,500 miles to storage.
Take care of your family and friends. Cheers, Dee.
Cooking with Dee 
Please check out my blog at http://www.hospicephysician.wordpress.com, thanks.
Thanks, Doc. My mother had great treatment for the six years she lived after diagnosis. What killed her was that a surgeon didn’t want to wait for and OB/GYN to come in to take care of some tissue. She nicked the bowel and all H-e-double-toothpicks set in and she was never the same again. The cancer would have spread anyway despite radiation and chemo. In the end I regret that she was taken against her will, in an ambulance, to the hospital as she knew she would die there. I’m only glad I was able to be there to see her and talk to the chaplain and arrange for her priest to come and perform last rites.
I haven’t read but the latest entry on your blog but I think pet owners are lucky to be able to spare their “best friends” unnecessary pain and discomfort. Family members and doctors are not able to let the terminally ill die with dignity.
Might it be that doctors have to “win” every time? Nurses, priests, chaplains and other caregivers know when someone is going to die. Putting that person through extra chemo hours before death is a punishment that should not be inflicted on patients or their families.