Pretense

I toyed with calling this piece “Snootiness.” Sonoma County is a lovely place, and its organic “back to the farm” movement has been a success and inspiration for other foodie destinations. But there are two very clear contests going on here: the first is who can be the most environmentally friendly or “Green”; and the second seems to be how many words it takes to describe a menu item.

Yesterday, after several hours in my mother’s room at the hospice, Jim and I left for an hour to grab a bite to eat. I ordered a Monte Cristo sandwich. Actually it was (insert name of your choice for each letter) A Ranch organic ham with B Farms X cheese amd house-made onion jam on artisinal panini freshly baked by C Organic Boulangerie.

Come on! They delivered our iced teas with a 3″ wine carafe. Jim asked for sugar and our server’s assistant (keep it pretentious) said “This is our simple syrup” and walked away. Clueless, Jim asked me “What is simple syrup?” I fixed his tea for him and said “sugar.”

When we move here and I open a restaurant we’re going to have a non-Vegan restaurant with a sommelier, farm-to-market consultant and apiary with its own beekeeper. When sugar is needed we’ll summon the bees to table and they’ll provide it on the spot.

In Texas they’re still eatin’ BBQ, drinking coffee at Sunday services out of styrofom and the mere thought of recycling is met with derision. OK, a middle of the road approach might work here. But if a highway billboard tells me to choose a “green” bank that saves trees by not allowing me to write a check, I just say, what? Some businesses aren’t online and won’t do online billing, even AT&T’s dish network back home.

Why should I care if my insurance broker’s office staff only drinks organic coffee in corn-based disposable cups? Should they bring and wash their own mug from home? Wouldn’t we rather get the best insurance possible at the lowest cost?

Last night when we got back to the hotel, I hadn’t eaten so Jim and I split a cheese plate. Interesting that they didn’t label the cheeses. Several goat cheeses, one semi-soft and one Brie. A few water crackers, grapes, Marcona almonds and quince paste, plus local specialty honey. Normally one doesn’t get that from room service at the local Sheraton.

Everything seems done to the nth degree in Sonoma County. So we went out to Safeway for cereal, milk and fruit, plus plastic bowls and spoons, and ate our breakfast in the rental car at a local park. Of course the parents immediately removed their children from the park. Who knows why. Maybe they didn’t want to have them corrupted by Texans.