I’ve gotten better over the years, but there have been a couple of doozies. Today I heard from my cousin John. Many years ago I had him over for dinner and wanted to roast a chicken. I had one of those small, gas apartment stoves. He showed up at my door, and I took the chicken out of the oven to rest. It looked fantastic, the skin brown and crusty. Several minutes later, I went to carve and the meat was raw! As I recall, I cut up the chicken and pan-fried it ’til done. Of course, John will never let me forget the great chicken debacle – the night the pilot light went out.
Ten years later, I was visiting my family and decided to make a turkey and corn chili. It called for chiles and I’d just bought some really pretty Thai bird chiles at the farmer’s market, that I’d never used before. I used 1/3 of what the recipe called for. That chili was so hot it was inedible! I added everything but the kitchen sink to it over the next few days trying to tame the fire, to no avail.
Then there are the dangerous disasters, like cutting off the top of my finger with a serrated knife, slicing a roll for dinner. I called Mike, and by the time I got to their house, less than 60 seconds later, he already had the dining table outfitted like a paramedic’s truck. He’s ex-Army Ranger and doesn’t mess around. His wife Dana sat in the den facing the other way because she can’t stand the sight of blood. Mike started with a green tea poultice. It took weeks to get better because every time I shifted my Jeep it opened up again. It’s OK now, kind of numb, but it took the salty seas of Ionia to heal it for good. Enough of the bad memories.
Oh well, it’s how we learn. I was bad at my Easy Bake Oven as well. First time I made pretzels and they were gooey and stuck to my hands so were thrown out. If I’d just known to add flour they would have been ok, but I was five years old. I did make a chocolate cake that turned out well. Cooking with a 120 watt light bulb, what an invention!
Keep cooking, no matter the number of kitchen disasters (unless you’re a danger to yourself or others). Above is Jim’s Glasgow breakfast of sunny side eggs, smoked and cured pancetta, toast with jam and English Breakfast Tea. No, he can’t cook, so the kitchen is all mine wherever we go.
Cooking with Dee 
Oh, come on. Doesn’t anyone have a disaster to share? I bared my soul, let’s have a contest for the best kitchen disaster.
Winner gets bragging rights and a warm spot in my heart for caring.
Dee
Kitchen disaster: How about when I was making a big pot of chicken pot pie and dumped in over a cup of black pepper. I didn’t know the shaker top was off till too late. With 2 teenage boys and their farmer dad to feed, it dipped out pepper, strained out pepper and rinsed out pepper from those vegetables. Then I added the meat and made the hottest chicken pot pies we had ever eaten. Freezing one of the extra ones taught me that freezing can cool peppers’ punch. The whole thing also taught me to use more pepper than I ever dreamed was possible if I wanted to make a really good pot pie.
Margie is my wonderful mother-in-law and we spent the weekend on the ranch cooking and watching parts of a few old movies. I broke a tooth and am on antibiotics and ice packs until root canal next week, so was out of commission, mostly.
Thanks MC!
Hey Dee!
I am a connoisseur of kitchen disasters! I recall being at Nanny’s house one time and asking if I could make chocolate chip cookies. She said yes so I forged ahead. The recipe called for (and still does, though I’m a tad bit wiser now) 2-1/4 cups flour. That is exactly how it was written! So, I added two ¼ cups of flour. My sister, cousins and I pondered greatly over why we could see the pan through the cookies. They didn’t scrape off very easily and what did come off was disgustingly crunchy and burned tasting. At some point, probably when Nanny intervened, I figured out what 2-1/4 cups meant. I did wonder for a while though, why, if they wanted me to add ½ a cup of flour they didn’t just say ½ a cup of flour.
I have always had a particular fondness for chocolate chip cookies. So, a couple of years ago, after being guilted into buying one of those round Pampered Chef stones, I decided it was time to use the thing. I opted for a delicious, chewy round chocolate chip cookie. Cooking is not an easy task for me. I am a recipe follower. The stone instructions said to oil it the first few times so being a dutiful instruction/recipe follower, I oiled it! Next, I topped it thickly with cookie dough and into the oven it went. The children and I were at the table when someone commented that they smelled smoke. Sure enough, that dough slid off that stone onto the oven coils and had erupted into a very nice fire. We had an excellent lesson on the virtues of dousing oven fires with baking soda. We were all so sad, though. We were really wanting that cookie. Kevin saved the day, however. He brought home some delicious Blue Bell vanilla and we made our own chocolate chip cookie ice cream with what remained on the stone. He also graciously volunteered to clean up the mess!
Then there was the time I caught the stove on fire while making tea. I also dropped a huge container of chile and had it splatter all over the cabinets, ceiling, floor, me, etc. Of course, I can’t forget about the recent event of falafel making. Kevin usually fries the falafel outside in the turkey fryer while I prepare all the veggies. We had been wondering if we could do it more quickly inside using a fry daddy. So, I got my oil good and hot and began dropping in the falafel. Next thing I knew, oil was bubbling up and spilling over the sides of the fry daddy and all over the counter, sink, cabinet fronts, floor…. It is no fun cleaning up hot oil!
Of course, I must make mention of the time we had friends coming over for pancakes. I was making at least 5 times the normal recipe. I had run out of baking powder so I was having to make a quick substitution using baking soda and cream of tartar or some such ingredients. Anyway, I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing and thoroughly frustrated myself with how much soda I needed to add. I was in a hurry and asked Kevin to help. After some quick calculations, he told me to start over because in order to make the amount of soda I had added work, I was going to have to add about 20 more cups of flour.
Anyway, I could go on but I’ve embarrassed myself enough for one day. Fortunately, I’ve been blessed with a tremendous sense of humor and can laugh about all my kitchen mishaps! And, in spite of all this, I did manage to put up 11 pints of salsa yesterday and today, managed to make a big pot of chicken noodle soup for my sickly young’ns. I’ll let my sister tell you about the time we got a wild hair and decided to do once-a-month cooking. And, our spaghetti sauce storage disaster. And, the potatoes in the pantry! (That was especially bad!)
Mary