Tag Archives: mental-health

Free Speech

I recently read an article (Cara Anthony – KFF News) about a young Black man who was shot in the head, operated on, then his family was pressured to donate his organs. On the operating table after being rolled through the hospital corridors on a hero’s walk to celebrate his selfless donation, his neurosurgeon burst in and told the doctors to take him off the table. He was alive, and is today, several years later, is married, a musician with young children. His first-year neurosurgeon, Dr. Zohny, is now working to “quantify consciousness” so that these mistakes are no longer made.

This article shook me to my core, as it could have been me. A year before this young man’s traumatic brain injury, I suffered one myself. After my craniotomy, I remained in a coma for a full month.

During that time I had dreams of jumping upwards from shard to triangular shard of familiar works of art and stained glass to reach a light above. Also of “field trips” to exotic destinations that always ended up at what seemed like my concrete block college dorm room. My mother-in-law was staying with my husband and was at the hospital one day when she saw signs of more than a vegetative state (she’s now a retired RN) as they were giving up on me. The last thing I remember is an empty grey space and my saying to myself “I can’t go now, I have too much shit to do!” I recall those words exactly.

Once awake, there was a long way to go but worst for me is that I had a tracheotomy tube and could not speak. My husband said that the accident forced a Ctrl-Alt-Del of my brain and I had to learn everything all over again. He learned to remove the trach for a few seconds at a time so I could say a few words.

I’d been trapped in my mind for weeks, unable to escape. Then, when I awakened I was learning again what I wanted and needed to say, and was unable to do so.

When Scarlett O’Hara stood up with her fist in the air and said “as God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again” I’ll never be silent again, no matter what anyone tells me. So go ahead, I’m retired so you can’t fire me or take my Social Security.

We have a huge problem in this country, and we’ve voted for him to be our president twice. The problem? Once elected he failed in every way to fulfill his oather of office. He only represents the half of Americans who voted for him, despises the rest of us and wants us all declared enemies of the State.

I never knew much about Charlie Kirk, only disagreed with the hatred he showed America and Americans that he despised for their gender, color or sexual orientation. His death at the hands of a mentally unstable individual is heinous and my thoughts go out to his wife and family. But his death is not my fault, or that of of Democrats or progressive organizations or the media or late night comics.

Efforts by Donald Trump and MAGA to blame all of us and threaten loss of free speech and funding to voice our discontent over his wackadoodle policies is against our Constitution and laws.

I was born into and will hopefully die in the United States of America, which cherishes free speech and the rule of law. I will not be a second-class citizen because I’m a woman and a senior citizen. I know what it’s like to be stifled inside, unable to get out of my own brain because of too many presciription medications administered to me in the hospital by knowledgeable physicians.

Do you know why I think I was saved, besides my neurosurgeon, his terrific PA Kyle (thanks, Kyle), my husband and his mother? I’m white, and I had excellent private health insurance. My husband recalls sitting in the ER, filling out forms then waiting. Staff was looking for a name to call, muttering no insurance, medicaid…. AETNA! Yep, they called on him first.

There are so many things that Trump has already ruined that will take us years to regain, as it did me and my wonderful brain (thank you, Auntie L, the HS English teacher who taught me words no-one else knew, especially my rehab therapists) and motor skills. But we can do it. Not without the free speech our Constitution guarantees, however.

Donald Trump is the biggest bully we’ll ever know, but he’s a bully, and bullies are by nature cowards. The more we obey in advance his directives, the more he’ll try to get away with. He’s already going to leave the White House billions richer because no-one is enforcing laws on the books keeping him from doing so. We don’t want a dictator or king. We need a president and Congress who remembers that they’re elected by us, we, the people. Dee

Who Am I

A few years back I was in an accident that caused a traumatic brain injury, and a craniotomy. My husband the software guy says my brain hit Ctrl-Alt-Del. Haha. A month later I came out of an interesting coma. Interesting for everyone else because they had to determine my fate, and for me because I had many very interesting life-like dreams.

Those dreams culminated in a drab grey room where I asked myself “is this it?” Is this the end, is this all there is out there? At that point my brain said I couldn’t go now, there was simply too much to do and that was that. I woke up.

My husband says that when I was coming back he began to recognize me when I did particularly “Dee” things. When the nurse tried to pin me in the sheets by tucking them in tightly, I fought to get my feet outside the covers as I always do. He knew right then that I’d be back.

I didn’t get it until a couple of months later in brain rehab. A visiting psychologist laughed at me and called me “the smart one” before he told all the other medical professionals (in earshot) I’d never go home again. Of course that was a challenge and I proved him wrong quickly and decisively. He laughed because one day a fellow patient climbed the five steps intended to teach TMI patients to re-learn stairs. At dinner that afternoon I congratulated him on his effort. Yea!

It took me a while after discharge months later that that moment was the moment I got “me” back. The life of a patient is all me, me, me all the time. How’s my recovery. How many more language exercises. How many flights of stairs. Can I make it to the next handhold, perhaps twenty feet, before collapsing into my wheelchair.

They mocked me because even though I was as bad off as the other patients, I thought of others and was cheering on their recovery as well as my own. I got me back that day and while at the time I couldn’t put my finger on it or put it into words, I knew it and it gave me the will and strength to pass all their damn tests and get out of there and back to my life taking care of my family.

I’ve always cared for those less fortunate, kids who were mocked for being too smart or dumb or ugly or even gay. That caring has always extended to animals, which is why people in all my old neighborhoods still call me “the dog lady.”

I’ve never understood how selfish people can operate on a daily basis, thinking only of themselves and their own needs and desires to the exclusion of all else. And I certainly never thought we’d vote as a nation to hire a sociopathic, malignant narcissist as the president of the United States.

Parents, school, and Mass inculcated me to the “do unto others” philosophy that has driven me my entire life, even in grade school. I’m a senior citizen now with (currently) the right to vote and have my opinion heard. Perhaps the antithesis to the political circus of hatred that is coming into power is the polar opposite. I am considering becoming radical, using kindness as my message.

Most of us are caring, loving people who want government to serve our needs, try to keep grocery and gas prices low and have a working border and immigration policy. We don’t have an urgent need to ruin our constitutional democracy by hurting the majority of our people, the economy, our environment, our children because one person is mad at the world and is hell-bent on hurting everyone who has or may ever hurt him. I’m not a sociopath or a vindictive person by nature or diagnosis. I just want to live my life free from the intrusion of people who have no business being in my business, whether it be who I love, how I vote or how my doctors and I choose to treat my conditions as they arise.

Let’s be kind to each other. Trump has shown time and time again that he’ll push the envelope way too far and when people cry out in unison, he’s proved a bully that retreats at the slightest resistance. So that’s what we’ll have to do. With kindness. This election may have squeaked in an incredibly dangerous and unhinged person but I’m still the same, so are you, so are our families and friends. Let’s just kindly tell the MAGA crowd that we like our rights and our Constitution, thank you. We intend to keep them.

The mean visiting psychologist told me I’d never live at home and I’d certainly never drive again. When I took a driving test the instructor asked my why on earth I needed one. It was as if I’d driven yesterday, and I’m a good driver. Yes! Freedom. The State attorney appointed to fight either my doctors or my husband for my proper care actually forgot about the court hearing. I found out about it, called the lawyer and he stopped by only to find that I offered him freshly-brewed herbal tea and conversation, same as any normal homemaker would do. He immediately cancelled the custody hearing and left us alone.

Kindness. Radical kindness. Pass it on. Dee