Tag Archives: fiction

Trump’s “Girls”

Our fearless president was supposed to do a “ride-along” with the military on the mean streets of our nation’s capital, Thursday evening. Instead, the White House cooked burgers and they ordered pizza in a local park.

Trump, ever the champion of women’s rights, had a job for two of his best gals. It’s no lie that a picture is worth a thousand words.

Seated “manning” the pizza table, over closed pizza boxes, were a lonely and distractedly bored Jeanine Pirro, D.C.’s newest U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia, and Kristi Noem, yes, ICE Barbie holding her her head in her hands over a pizza box. What a great job!

I hope they had male supervision to make sure no illegal aliens got a free slice. What, did I just hear that JD Vance had his own booth telling women to quit their jobs and go have babies? Nah, just a rumor.

Makes me want to move back to 1971-1973 when I was a tween and my dad worked PR for the nation’s colleges on Dupont Circle. He must’ve been very woke then because we were living in the nation’s second “planned community” that was very forward-thinking at the time.

What a great nation we live in! I’m stuck in Texas with folks who are in denial that in rural communities they’re going to lose their medicare, medicaid, snap and hospitals. Plus smart, poor kids won’t ever be able to borrow money to attend college. My fellow senior volunteers don’t get it and are waiting for AmeriCorps (which Trump tried to abolish and will, eventually) to tell them what to do. I’m figuring it out without them. Why? Because I don’t just sit at the pizza table and wait for people to stop by. Cheers! Look for that photo of Noem and Pirro, it’s priceless. Dee

Executive Orders

I’ve been out of the writing game a bit and one of my favorite news sources is currently unavailable to me. In catching up I ran across a couple of recent executive orders that might be of interest. Executive Orders 2,341,692 and 2,341,695, to be exact.

The White House

Establishing the Advisory Council of “Getting Me The Stuff I Really Want When No One Else Can Do It”

By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, it is hereby ordered:

Section 1. Policy I want a lot of stuff done that no-one seems to be able to do for me. People tell me I already have lots of stuff, like power and immunity and the ability to strongarm nations and companies who give me and my family perks, but only $3.4 billion so far and I want more. I deserve more.

Section 2. Establishment. There is hereby established within the Executive Office of the President said Council on my Stuff to be led by my dear friend and mentor, Roger Stone to include six of his equally politically ruthless colleagues as he deems fit.

Section 3. Functions. The first task of the Council will be to get me a goddamn Noble Peace Prize! Obama got one and I deserve at least six or seven, even I forget how many lasting peace accords I’ve created and nurtured for decades, and I’ve only been here a few months. The Council will advise me what to do (bomb something, threaten allies, whatever it takes); and work behind the scenes doing their magic to get me that prize.

… followed by boilerplate language required by my lawyers….

The second Executive Order is even more interesting, to wit:

By the authority vested in me yada yada yada… increasing the purview of the Advisory Council on Getting Me The Stuff I Really Want When No One Else Can Do It”

Section 1. Policy. I’m sick and tired of all these boring ICE raids and the only reason I really want a cage match in the Rose Garden for our nation’s 250th anniversary is to give Ivanka something to do. Plus, there aren’t enough living people in the USA I trust to do my bidding every second of the day, day in and day out. Chairman (Roger) Stone has proposed and was able to secure dead people to help get me into heaven!

These people are not IN heaven, of course. This Executive Order authorizes Chairman Stone, with the cooperation of Roy Cohn and Lee Atwater, to escape the fires of Hell with a few of their trusted allies, raid the home of St. Peter and get the keys to the Pearly Gates. After this is accomplished, they all will be, upon my authority, transferred to heaven and on call to welcome me when it is my time to join their merry band of thieves.

The Advisory Council will also assure that the axiom “you can’t take it with you” does not apply to Donald J Trump. I want it all, forever.

Caveat: the Advisory Council is only authorized to begin the “Heaven’s Gate” project once I have the Noble Prize in hand.

THE WHITE HOUSE

“Curses, Foiled Again!”

Said the dastardly Snidely Whiplash of Dudley Do-Right, handsomely riding off into the sunset after his victory saving Penelope from being tied to the railroad track once again.

But wait, I’m the good guy in this story. After all, it’s my story. A while ago a little yellow dog was dumped at the farm, starving and evidently beaten for some time. She was terrified of humans but starving. I tried to find her a home, to no avail. She turned out to be a really nice dog so she stayed around, kindly patrolling the property in exchange for meals. She had evidently been much abused, starved and dumped. When I tossed a tennis ball she thought I was going to hit her. Carry a broom to sweep the garage? She slunk away to not be hit.

But before she came to stay, my father-in-law was so pleased at tricking her into the empty outdoor dog pen. He came inside to crow about his success when my m-i-l said, “oh, you mean that dog in front of the window?” In moments, this twenty pound dog had gotten over a 5′ chain link fence and back out into the yard. She was promptly named “Sneaky” for her elusiveness.

Time went on and she was re-named “Sara” because when she got through the gate and went into the pasture with The Three Amigos, young bulls who ignored her as she ignored them, she was jumping joyously through the tall grasses, a huge grin on her usually sad little face. It’s from Sara Smile, a seventies song by Hall & Oates.

A few months later the neighbor’s dog came calling, as Sara was in heat. In December we drove three hours to a family vet to have her checked out and spayed, on prescription drugs for the car ride because she was still semi-feral and always elusive. She had to stay in our dog’s crate for a few days until the sutures absorbed and she was well enough to roam outdoors again.

Just as she was well, we think she went visiting neighbors (each at least a mile away) or a big dog came around here because we found her, unable to move, viciously mauled. We called the family vet in Dallas, the bites were severe and infected, and Sara lived near death for a few weeks in Lulu’s crate in the heated pantry across the breezeway. Eventually the infection went away and she needed to learn to walk again.

It was evident that there was some nerve damage in the right rear leg, how much muscle she would be able to gein back was in question. When she started walking, she knuckled under, meaning that top of the right rear paw was used as her tread, and it was swolled, split and constantly bleeding and infected. I ordered non-slip dog socks with velcro enclosure. She bit off the socks and then the velcro.

The vet recommended a full-leg splint. It came in the mail and fit perfectly. She tore the velcro straps and began eating the shoe itself. I wrapped the leg in vet wrap over the shoe. She took it off.

A couple of weeks ago, she was allowed to wear the sock an hour or two a day, supervised, then the boot for the rest of the day. Into the pantry at night, boot off, sock on after a foot wash and antibiotic ointment. Sock came off by morning. Wrap spling and another day.

Last week she went to sock only. Sock came off. Sock with vet wrap. Off. Vet wrap only just to keep from reverting to “knuckling” when her muscles get tired. Off. Wrap with a piece of athletic tape. Works some days, others I find it in the yard.

So she does let me cut her nails and give her a bath but she’s got a buddy temporarily, in the yard with her on a zip line. She was very jealous for a while, even if I talked to the other dog or helped him back around a tree trunk he’d gone around one too many times. Now she sleeps in the pantry on a nice rug (no crate anymore) and she’s dying to get out in the morning, doesn’t even want to go back in if it’s raining.

Once Lulu got out of the house and was eager to go into the pantry with Sara. My hucband closed the levered door. A moment later, they were both running amok in the garden, having the time of their lives. Lulu knows how to open doors. Luckily she hasn’t taught Sara yet, however she’s taught her everything else from good things (it’s ok if a human pets you or tosses a tennis ball, that’s called a game in dog world) to bad (fetch means go get the ball and never release it to the human, at least without a treat).

I know that an animal is most vulnerable when eating, sleeping or pooping. Sara is safe now, and feels safer at night in the pantry, and near the house for the others. Yet it is I, the modern-day Snidely Whiplash, who is routinely foiled again in my efforts to keep that foot clean and healing. She is Dudley Do-Right and mostly wins the day. I guess that’s OK, saving her life, twice, shouldn’t demand thanks. It feels good that mainly she follows me around while gardening or walking Lulu like I’m the Pied Piper. But that would be another story.

We’re enjoying some rain today. We spent some time helping family an hour or so away, the other day. They got hit with a tornado, one of four that hit the area, and they still don’t have power. Their homes seem OK (pending insurance inspections) but many old oaks and pecans on the property didn’t make it and blocked driveways et al. We made sure they had driveway access, food, a compressor to run the frig and a few chain saws. One has to be ready for anything on a ranch in a rural area, especially with continually worsening weather. It doesn’t help that in this county not hit this week, Trump got 77% of the votes and that doesn’t help because climate change doesn’t exist and his economic policies are sound, at least until Medicaid, SNAP, now Medicare and possibly Social Security are cut.

Enjoy the summer! Dee