Some folks like to characterize families by familiar stereotypes. Of course she did, she’s an only child. He’s acting out because his older sibling got all the attention. Of course she’s spoiled, she’s the baby. You’ve heard it all, I’m certain.
I’m the eldest. Yes, the most responsible. For everyone. Brought up by strict, I would say Teutonic because my father was German/Swiss, rules.
At first I always wanted an older brother, to protect me from bullies of course. But most of my life what I’ve missed is a big sister, someone I could go to for non-parental advice, someone who’s seen a bit more of life than I and could relate useful experiences.
When I got out in the working world, the real one after college (babysitting and summer gigs don’t count) there were no female mentors that I knew of. After a few years I finally got the best boss of my life, a woman, who let me actually do my job and grow in it. That was short-lived, however, and was followed by the absolute worst boss I ever had, a power-hungry megalomaniacal micro-manager who made my life a living Hell. She was female, as well.
Now that I’m all grown up and retired, I think of what my life would have been like with a sister as mentor in life and at work. I certainly would have made fewer mistakes, that’s a given. Perhaps I could have been a better mentor to my young colleagues if I’d had one myself.
Interestingly, I see it in the animal kingdom as well. For the past few months, we’ve been “adopted” by a discarded pup who has had some serious setbacks. She was abused and dumped here, afraid of human touch, ribs protruding with hunger, she craved affection but didn’t know how to get it. We think she was about nine months old as she came into heat a couple of months later.
Named Sara now, she is still an outdoor dog but does have a warm place to go on winter nights. I’d take “Princess” Lulu, my mini-Aussie apartment dog out for a walk on leash and Sara would copy everything Lulu did. I petted Lulu while she was standing still relieving herself and said “good girl” so that Sara would know that human touch and voices could be kind.
Sara was attacked on New Years’ Day by a big dog and the bites became infected immediately. She went through a horrible month of home-based ICU (Nurse Dee, here) and rehabilitation. She’s out and about now and we’re like proud parents watching her progress. She ate sitting up! She ate standing up for the first time! She walked, and the swelling is going down. Today, for example, she patrolled the house for the first time since her injuries. This is a major step, though she’s still dragging the leg quite a bit.
When she first came, in July, she started mimicking Lulu and would pee a few feet away, expecting verbal praise and petting for doing so. Same with #2. After the mauling and ICU (the dreaded wee wee pads) when she took her first steps she remembered that. Makes it easier for me to clean up, just one bag!
Similarly when Lulu was eight weeks old we had our first vet visit within 72 hours of buying her from the breeder 1,500 miles away. There were several stairs outside the vet’s office. Lulu learned to go up the stairs but there was an old dachshund about to leave the vet and go down the stairs. I asked the owner if we could watch. Downstairs went the Doxy, followed by little Lulu. How much time would it have taken me to explain it to her? All she needed was a mentor and she learned in a matter of seconds!
Mentors are so important. I’m getting more into volunteering in senior programs now and look forward to providing sought-after guidance for fellow volunteers given my decade of relevant experience. An important item to remember is not to over-share or be intrusive with advice that might be construed by the recipient as an intrusion. It’s important to be a good mentor, whether it be to siblings, colleagues or fellow volunteers. So be one! It’s gratifying to see a young person learn to fly and successfully solo! Cheers! Dee
Cooking with Dee 