Tag Archives: family

Joining Families

As we celebrate our tenth year of marriage, and our dog turns nine, I wanted to share a few things that are very important to me about the family I married into.

Cooking and spending time with my mother-in-law is important. We’ve developed a rhythm that works to get things done. We have spent so much time together when the guys are out with the cattle that I don’t really have quotes. I just know that she spent so much time and effort “vetting” me for her eldest son that when he spends four months gathering woodworking tools for our nephew, age 10 now, and I tell her it’s driving me crazy, all she says is “I warned you.”

My father-in-law has done a few special things over these ten years. He: showed up at the airport to meet us with two dozen roses (not his idea, I’m sure); told my husband 12 hours in that if he wanted to ask me to marry him, it’s OK; drove a truck up that weekend and told me to get in, early in the morning in my pj’s, to see a 14 point buck and didn’t want to shoot him only let me see the grandeur; and this past year at Nanny’s he said he said he had to try this one dish because he knew who made it.

Then there’s Nanny. She interviewed me privately in her dining room for nearly an hour. My grandmothers died before I was a year old. Seeing as we got along so well, I asked her to be my Nanny, too. She agreed and for ten years we’ve had family events and I’ve held cooking classes for The Grands (her great-grandkids) and it has been a joy to know this loving and wonderful person.

Of course there’s an uncle who is very special to my heart. He brings qualities into our shared relationships that are so open and honest they make us question what we are doing with our lives and correct our mis-steps.

Permit me to let you know about my brother and his family in another post.

Learning, living, compromise, I don’t know that young couples expect that. That’s what marriage is all about, loving someone so much that work, kids, dogs, living conditions can be dealt with. Speaking of dogs I must add Val to my joining family list. She took out our dog’s hips as a pup and Zoe still loves her. She, P, Z and her parents are terrific, loving family members.

I wouldn’t have known any of these folks had I not met my husband over 11 years ago. Thank you for being in our lives. Cheers! Dee

The Best of News

The thwarted cast iron farmhouse sink tour of OK, KS, TN et al had to be postponed a hundred miles from home because a buck ran out on a highway in front of a hunter and my in-laws hit the buck. The hunter called 9-1-1. That was two weeks ago today and back surgery is complete on my father-in-law but it’s a tough road and even when he goes home it’ll be a long recovery. Margie was in the car as well, sewing a computer bag for herself when the accident happened that morning and she had a lot of bruises but was otherwise OK. She’s been living at the hospital for two weeks now to tend to her husband.

We are frustrated that we can’t be there, but there’s really nothing for us to do right now. Thanksgiving week we head out to see them and are happy to know that friends will be staying here with our dog for the duration.

Accidents happen. We’re glad Jim’s folks are alive and mostly well so far. Last weekend I drove home from a concert at dusk and my husband Jim was telling me “oh, there are two deer over there on the left, and three on the right” of the highway. I couldn’t tell because of the light and color of the deer and the sage, though I could pick out a few in the light only to hope they weren’t spooked to run across the road. I knew he should have been driving because his night vision and experience at night on our local highways driving home in the winter from work make him the better person to do that.

Oh, btw, here’s a recent sunset from last Friday, before the time change. As of today one ski resort is open (28″ base, 1″ powder) and others are opening this weekend even though there’s no snow in civilian territory.

Nearing Ski Season

We will all learn from this, to enjoy family to the fullest. This was a close call. We look forward to seeing family over the holidays. When I hear that my niece got fifth chair in flute her first year (with 19 flautists) I’m so proud, also of my nephew who has won some Cub Scout prizes and art as well. Please enjoy your family over Thanksgiving. If you’ve any favorite recipes or menus, let me know and I’ll post them. Cheers! Dee

Home is where…

My brother emailed me today. Twenty years ago he was in college in So Cal and I came to visit. After visiting the San Diego Zoo (I made him ride the buckets – tramway) and other sites, he thanked me for showing him his hometown.

Now, he wants me to come to NYC, where he’s lived for years, and show me his hometown. I’ve been sending him food articles about new deli in Brooklyn and Italian, check out the NYTimes as I do every day.

Last time I showed him his hometown NYC we went to the Stage Deli and trotted up to the Cloisters. Jim was working so I spent the rest of the time at MOMA and the Met.

Someday, my brother will let me show him my home town. Wherever that may be. This would be a nice place to visit, plus, I cook and so does he. Cheers, Dee

Ninety Degrees in the Shade

Well, it keeps snowing here, but today it was in the mid 70’s, how about that? We’re headed back “home” at least for my husband, first time in nearly 15 months, for a few days.

I look forward to seeing family and cooking with my mother-in-law. Perhaps a few days nearer sea level with an atmosphere and some humidity will help heal my hands (dishpan hands) and hair. Don’t worry, I’m not hoping for too much!

It’s not going to be as much of a vacation as I’d hoped because our daily schedule is filling up (not of our doing) and there will be a lot of family. I think we now need to put a moratorium on new engagements unless we initiate them or approve them. It was very different when we were living a 4-5 hour drive away and could visit every few months!

I’m NOT bringing my laptop. Hopefully I’ll be able to get 20 minutes a day to write or at least check my email, but bringing a laptop in the trunk is different than bringing it on a plane. Too much stress and I really don’t need it. My husband has to bring his work laptop along in case there’s a work emergency but I don’t.

We are lucky to have someone to take care of our dog at home. I gave her a bath today and will brush her out in the morning so her caretaker will get full benefit of this cute, friendly “chick magnet.” I told Jim we should rent her out on weekends!

Happy Memorial Day! Everyone celebrates it differently and we’ll be eating brisket and sides with family. One story that stirs my heart every year is the brother of a friend who commutes from NC to NY every year to play Taps and play in the small town parade. Thank you, Rick! Cheers, Dee

Christmas?

The house is so quiet
The reindeers’ asleep
And Jimmy and Zoe’s
Company they keep

And Christmas time is here
The most wonderful time of the year

A Volvo for Jimmy, a songbook for Dee
Zoe has boots and some treats from Margie

And Christmas time is here
The most wonderful time of the year

We’re liking the winter, our first such to see
The cold and the snow just for you and for me

It’s Christmas time, it’s clear
The most wonderful time of the year

We’re missing our families and wish they were here
It’s not really Christmas without them to cheer

It’s Christmas time, we know
Wish we could all go and play in the snow.

Cheers, Dee

ps Thanks, Burl Ives.

Nanny’s

Our family Thanksgiving was immediate family. When I met the man who was to become my husband, I girded myself for a long weekend with his parents, and Thanksgiving with fifty of his relatives. It was a life-changing weekend and we eloped two months later.

Now, Jim’s job prevents him from taking even one day off during November/December and he’ll miss his annual joyous union with his parents, brother, grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins. I should have titled this “Over The River, and Through the Woods…” but this would be my eighth year there. We’ll miss all the folks who get together only once a year. It’s some consolation that Jim’s mother has a new computer with video capabilities so we can have a video conference after dinner.

There may be near sixty this year. More babies were born. A dear one was lost. This is the closest to a grandmother I’ve ever had. You should see the spread. Of course there are turkey and ham but the sides are very southern and that tends to sweet, not what this Yankee initially expected. I never tried to bring a dessert because all the other ladies do so and dessert is a sumptuous feat in and of itself! As my husband is not very adept at culinary traditions (forget female hierarchy) he always told me to bring nothing.

Now I’m known for teaching teenagers how to cook, the day after Thanksgiving, and also for my spinach balls, spiced almonds and cashews, and boursin. I’ve already given spinach balls to my newest married cousin Brenda. We’ll really miss that big hug from Nanny when we walk in the door, plus conversations with family we haven’t seen in a year: Zoe’s hip surgeon Val the Vet; brother John and Patti and their children; Sharon and Mary and their kids; Scott and Jen and two babies, one we’ve never met; and on and on. And Gina’s going to be there this year. We’ve both been rooting for Gina for years, and she’s successful and living on the West Coast.

Someday I’ll tell you the story of the first Thanksgiving with Jim’s family. Not now. Cheers and Happy Thanksgiving, Dee

Ancestry

Jim’s great aunt died suddenly early yesterday morning.  After the morning phone calls and family arrangements for flowers etc. I started thinking of what a wonderful and vivacious woman this was. Aunt Velma Jean and her husband took a trip up to see Nanny last Christmas to take Nanny to lunch.  They really lured her next door for the surprise Juni Fisher concert!  That was the last time we saw her.

Yesterday I was thinking of our family so did a trial with an ancestry site for two weeks.  I did some of the basics and found out something my father never had in his years of research: his mother’s passage from Hamburg, Germany to NYC in 1923.  I was able to send him a copy of the passage documentation of her adopting a new country.  I spent a couple of hours on it yesterday, no time today.  I didn’t know the program at all so made many mistakes and it took me ten times the amount of time for an entry to say “whoops” and try to fix it.

Food and family go together naturally.  Otherwise why would Thanksgiving dinner be important?  It’s only a turkey.  I hope results of my search lead to more family recipes and regional foods from the far-flung areas that marked even my parents and grandparents.

The next step is to interview our remaining relatives to glean more information from their searches.  So I’m on a hunt for the best rouladen, Rosti potatoes, plus English, Irish, French-Canadian recipes out there.  Here’s to a great weekend!  Dee

My Grandfather, the Carpenter

Grandparents are a rarity in our family. This grandfather died two weeks before I was born, and my grandmothers on both sides of the family died before I was a year old.

I’ve a special affinity for “Bye Bye Blackbird” because I’m told Dad’s mother sung it to me as a baby and maybe in my heart I remember.

My grandfather left Germany on Hitler’s first rise, and tales were told that he jumped ship in NY harbor rather than be shipped back to the Brownshirts. He worked at Sears in NYC and they lived in Brooklyn and Queens in German neighborhoods and English wasn’t spoken in my father’s home.

When he retired from Sears they bought a small place in the Adirondacks. My grandfather made most of the furniture, including Adirondack chairs outdoors. He made lamps my sister and I had in our bedroom in high school, and repainted to go with our yellow, black and silver wallpaper, funky 2×10″ bedframes made by Dad, and shag carpeting. There’s no accounting for taste in a teenager.

So, when my grandparents died, Dad had to sell the place immediately so sold it furnished. Forty years later he stopped by on a trip and the owners, summer residents, invited him in. He showed their son how to work the oil stove, as he’d been taught when he was 17 and en route to be the first in his family to go to college.

The home was static. His parents could have still been living there. The furnishings were all there, along with his family photos on the walls. It was a very strange feeling. I’ve been there (exterior only) in the Fall once or twice to visit the tree under which my grandfather is buried. I look at the Adirondack chairs on the porch and know they were made by his hands.

The tools I played with as a child were his, and now my husband is amassing a set of woodworking tools for yet another carpenter. No, not ours. We were lucky in love but not in having children.

It appears the theme of my life is a series of carpenters. But in the end, we all cobble our lives together and that’s the beauty of life. Oh, my other grandfather, who died 25 years ago, built bridges. Now what does that say about my role in life? I can tell you it’s constructive, pun intended. Cheers, Dee