Tag Archives: chivalry

Chivalry

It is not dead. It lives in Texas, the north (certainly not the northeast coast of the US) and midwest. Perhaps the Rockies a bit if it’s truth to tell and old pickup trucks, not just snow bunnies.

We’ll be married 14 years next month and actually dated for 16 months before marriage. Dating, that’s not a concept I recall. Now it’s Roku and Netflix. I digress.

I told you my father died yesterday, after a long, hearty, mostly healthy, always interesting life. He was a gentleman. My husband is one as well, with his Texas verbiage. No, ma’am, yes sir, thank you ma’am.

Since Dad died I’ve had a few visitors, mainly older and male. They know my husband is en route home right now and was not here when the news came down, so came to call. One brought two beautiful red roses and said one was for me, one was for my Dad, and May He Find Peace.

That was my old neighbor, the retired architect. They now live three blocks down the street.

Another said he thought I needed company yesterday morning so I got to make him breakfast. Good, as I needed it as well. Eggs, biscuits and bacon and tea. He showed me his place and it’s the neatest living space I’ve ever seen. I told him when he has a date he has to put out an empty pizza box with a few crumbs, an empty beer can on the coffee table, and a child’s handprint ashtray with a cigar that has gone out.

Otherwise I’d be frightened to enter his abode. Now, he wants me to cater his dates as he’s never used the stove, oven, dishwasher or w/d. While I prep and clean everything as I go, I believe he may have physical pain as I mess up his pristine environment.

The Three Amigos. That is what I should call them. They were a bit of a clique the other day. Now each of them has called on me. The roses guy was my next-door neighbor. My husband is away a lot and he’d stop by once a week and knock on the door to see if I was doing OK and ask when my husband was coming home.

The last amigo asked to visit this morning. He could not find the number on our door due to macular degeneration so went home and got a magnifying glass. He used it to see all my photos and artwork, and couldn’t believe that Dad started painting at age 80. My father died yesterday having recently turned 85.

Now that both my parents are gone my husband’s parents have already said I have a new family now. I would like to thank my husband, who arrives in about 40 minutes (his pizza will be ready) and his family who took me in nearly 15 years ago. J’s “Nanny” is mine, she offered that first day. I’m an honorary “grand.” Of course there are great-grands, and now more.

I treasure my Three Amigos for taking care of me these past two days. There was another knock on my door, a huge evergreen basket to place by the fireplace. Something to place by a hearth. No hearth, much heart. Thank you, you know who you are. I’ve lived beside you for nearly five years.

Might this all have something to do with a nun’s desk? Nah, it’s all Dad’s magic. He had a way with people, I always learned from him, and will instill some of our knowledge into younger folks but as he is gone I will not be able to ask him for more. I always wanted his take on things. That will no longer be available as he is gone. Cheers, Dee

 

Chivalry

It is not dead, ladies, only dormant or no longer taught. And even the most chivalrous husbands forget from time to time but mine at least always puts down the toilet seat so I don’t fall in.

This week he placed weather stripping on our front door. We don’t open the windows in summer because there are no screens and bugs get in and take my blood. The buffer also helps with light, air and noise for which I’m also thankful.

I was going to tell you how to meet these guys, not in a bar, but that’s exactly where we met at TGI Fridays over lunch. It was three weeks after 9/11 and everyone was talking about that tragic event. There were about five single individuals sitting at the bar (the tables were full) eating lunch and we all started talking. Hours later it was only the two of us. We shook hands in the parking lot and he said maybe we’d see a movie as friends someday.

The next night he called, picked me up, opened his car door and took my hand and he’s still around 13 years later. It was a restaurant, but now he tells anyone who asks that I picked him up in a bar. Great story for a Bible-belt teetotaler.

Whether it’s a gorgeous spring day or on an icy sidewalk, he knows when to take my hand or arm. We both know and reach out at the same time without even looking at each other. Sick, I know. You see those bridal magazines with couples on a sofa lying together and reading. Marriage isn’t like that.

My prime categories are someone I like and likes me, someone smart so we can have discussions about politics or news, someone who is caring who might still leave his socks on the floor.

I didn’t look. He came to me. I actually think he was sent to me but that’s another story. He’s a nerd, wicked smart, enough that MIT sent him a letter at age 15, unsolicited. He grew up on a dairy farm so has values for family, hard work and a methodical nature (the last drives me nuts from time to time).

Think older (I married younger). For the past couple of weeks I’ve been taking the father of a new Swedish neighbor around to see art and botanical gardens. It’s a treat for me because my husband would rather see airplane engines. The other day our visitor showed up with a bouquet of flowers to thank me for showing him around town.

That is what a true gentleman does for a gal. I told my husband “I have a date this morning” and he knew exactly who it was and appreciated that he didn’t have to go see a Monet, Giacometti or Gaston Lachaise or even a pomelo tree at the tropical exhibit.

In college I lived with a girl who spent well over two hours getting ready to go to a two-bit bar by the railroad tracks near campus where they had $.25 “ponys.” I spent five minutes. My rationale is that if I had a good conversation for that amount of time my effort to get there was worthwhile. 2.5 hours means she’ll always leave disappointed in the evening.

What ever happened to her? She must have six kids and grandkids by now and I waited until 40 to marry. Maturity is another must-have, on your and your spouse’s part. If you have kids make sure they get at least a college degree. That will give them a chance for a brighter future.

Someone is waiting for you to appear. Work, volunteer, go to social events, walk a dog (that’s probably the best, ask a neighbor if you can walk their dog). Geeks. Remember the kid you joked about in high school? He’s now heading a company. Chivalry is not dead. I can take the leash and give my husband a bag and he’ll pick up the poop. That’s a marriage made in heaven. Above all, be yourself. Cheers! Dee