Hey Brain Trust! I have something to add to my really old Rally Speech! Remember my dear friend Dr. Evil? He held the world hostage, threatening it with a nuclear warhead unless they paid ONE MILLION DOLLARS?
Maybe not for rallies. How about a FLASH SALE instead. Take this down:
SUMMER SALE! Want to deny climate change another four years? Give my campaign ONE BILLION DOLLARS and I’ll overturn every environmental law and regulation that Crooked Joe put on the books! Write those checks and executive orders at the same time and send them to John McEntee at home, please. I’ll institute the Executive Orders ON DAY ONE and put out of work all those Red State employees who have gotten good paying jobs since I left office. Who cares if we have clean air or clean water? Let’s just DRILL BABY, DRILL. But wait, there’s more, I’ll make your corporate tax cut permanent!!!
Attention THEOCRATS! For just TWO BILLION DOLLARS, I will overturn the Constitution of of the United States and the separation of Church and State will be gone. White men, take out your checkbooks! I will make sure that women no longer have the right to: abortion by any means at any time; plan for families through in-vitro fertiilization; travel between states if they are of childbearing age; sign a check without their husband’s permission; get a no-fault divorce; or protect themselves and your kids from proven violent gun-owning spouses. Look at how many pesky things I can do for you if you just get out your checkbooks and send a check to John McEntee, at home in Washington D.C., please. But wait, there’s more! There will be no more problems with racism as the Christian nationalists, the Proud Boys and Three Percenters will be installed at every level of government for your ultimate convenience.
No, we haven’t forgotten the LEGISLATURES and JUDICIAL BRANCH! For just FIVE BILLION DOLLARS we will make sure the Voting Rights Act is gone. There will be no more voting. Not really. We’ll just put up our friends for office and judgeships and they’ll toe the Trump Line and all will be well. No jail for rich people. Our friends (ONE MILLION DOLLARS each to … you know, at home, please) will hold office, get to have a great social media grift (SEVENTY PERCENT goes directly to me, through you-know-who), a decent salary until you get snapped up by a big lobbying firm, and great health insurance for life!
I’m still working on some other ideas but here’s a start. I expect to see it up on my campaign website during Mothers’ Day. The gift that keeps on giving.
Don’t laugh, if we remain silent it may come true. Cheers and please vote your conscience. I know if this matters to you, you have one. If not, the Overt Bribery Office is the gold-plated door down the hall on the left. Dee
Cooking with Dee 