Hello there, this is Felix Cattus III reporting for Sir Nigel Davenport, who is quite tired after a romp with Zoe and a bit much catnip.
FELIX: I’m interested in your relationships with cats. Sir Nigel was not attacked and has no wounds, and thanks you repeatedly for saving him from that pesky mockingbird.
ZOE: It’s nothing. If a cat doesn’t run from me, we’re the best of friends, as you can see from yesterday’s interview with Sir Nigel. We would have had a brandy and cigar but he was keen on the catnip.
FELIX: Do you get along well with humans? Big ones and tiny ones?
ZOE: They’re so easy to manipulate, especially the big ones. The little ones are still true to themselves in every way and I respect them for that quality. I do like them, especially Food Wench and Fun Guy every day, and love going to grandma’s and great-grandma’s houses to be petted and eat stuff that falls off the kitchen counters. They even say I cut down on the vacuuming, whatever that means, it may be that loud machine I hate.
FELIX: Speaking of things you dislike about living in a human environment, what else is irksome to you?
ZOE: Balloons. Fun Guy asked Food Wench to help buy candy to keep in his office desk and she said “No, you have to do something more interesting.” So he took up twisting balloons and ordering them from Sweden, practicing at home, and doing company parties.
I hate the squeaks of the balloons as he twists them into Wile E Coyote or Elmo. I especially hate the sounds when one pops. Now I go under Food Wench’s side of the bed anytime I even see a balloon, so Fun Guy goes to the child’s family who wants the balloon.
FELIX: To end this interview, what do you like about your life?
ZOE: I’ve met up with some really great humans who’ve raised me, others who pet me, dogs who play with me and I get to sleep at least 18 hours a day. That’s minimum. I don’t arise until I get my beauty sleep. I like baths because I love being clean but hate being brushed out a day later (Food Wench knows I won’t deal with a hair dryer so I air dry like Cuba Gooding Jr. in Jerry Maguire).
I’d also like to thank you cats for the interviews, sorry Sir Nigel is under the weather but thank you and my buddy Dashiell for keeping me on the kitty track. And thank my buds Axl, Roxy, Jake, Truman, Bella, Bandit and many others. One for my baby, and one more for the road. That’s Frank, baby. Also Tony Bennett and Henry Mancini, who Food Wench has met in a kitchen. Hey, we don’t mess around.
FELIX: Thank you, Zoe, from Napping Dog Press. Sir Nigel will return tomorrow and now it appears I will be chased from the set. I’ve a plan. This is Felix Cattus III. Good evening.
Cooking with Dee 