Here are my rules:
Always have a comfy bed in view of the front door, preferably with a view toward any exit through which mom or dad can escape.
As a herder I never do anything fun once. It is routine, whether driving dad to work and taking over the passenger seat while he crosses the street, to being on my orthopedic mattress in the back of mom’s car when she goes to the grocery store, it’s r-o-u-t-i-n-e.
Make sure to lead mom and serpentine when she’s got an armload of clean clothes to fold.
Bark at whomever is knocking on the front door, then rush out to greet them before they come in.
When you need dinner, sit outside the kitchen and stare at mom until fed. Reject any type of fancy dry organic food until you find what you like, especially if it’s frozen raw lamb with blueberries, carrots and squash. Demand chicken broth with dinner, in addition to a fresh bowl of water.
Don’t poop the first time out in the morning. Then you’ll get to be taken out again and see more squirrels. Sometimes, just stop going for 36-48 hours, then go right before mom calls the vet.
Know exactly where the tennis ball is going to be thrown from the “chuck-it” and be there. Other dogs and pups will still be at home base and I’ll get it every time.
When you have hip problems, as I did, listen to The Hipless Wonder. Roll over on your back and submit. Even aggressive dogs won’t know what to do.
Keep your pack close by at all times. When you’re tired on a Saturday afternoon, send them out to lunch and a movie (stare if you must), get your frozen peanut butter Kong and take a nap.
Beauty sleep is a good thing. Get at least 18 hours per day.
Find out where other folks keep their dog food and treats, especially as mom doesn’t let me free-feed.
When dad eats eggs for breakfast, he wipes his face with a tea towel. Learn to be cute while taking it off the counter and licking egg off it before mom puts it in the washer.
When I do something bad and dad says “we should have gotten the dumb one,” don’t believe him for a second.
When your pack has guests for dinner, look around the table and play “the weakest link.” If it’s only the pack, go to dad. Otherwise size up the guests and decide which one you think will give you some food off their plate. Stare at them while trying to look cute.
And make sure to wake up mom at 4:00 in the morning to lift you up to their bed. Whine and paw the nice wood frame until she lifts you up and you take her spot so she can get online and pay bills and stuff.
That’s all for today from Zoe The Hipless Wonder
Cooking with Dee 