Q: What are you doing with our money (taxpayers)
A: We stuck it in the vault. (banks)
Q: Are you lending to homeowners and car buyers?
A: No way! This is our money.
Q: Aren’t you in the business of taking our money, making investments and lending it to homeowners and such?
A: Yes, but not right now. Now it’s all ours and we’re taking it and using some of it to pay bonuses to top earners, who took even more of your money.
Q: So if I want to buy a house or car, I can’t get money to do so.
A: Right.
Q: My money is in your bank and I can’t get a loan.
A: Right again.
Q: So my money is with you and you won’t lend money. We taxpayers just gave you billions so we’re lending/giving money to you?
A: Right again.
Q: Have you ever given money to a loan applicant?
A: That would be a no, sir.
Q: Do you charge interest on your loans?
A: You bet. As much as we can get, and even more on credit cards, those suckers don’t care if their 42″ plasma TV cost $3,500 and ends up costing $8,000.
Q: Do you consider these billions from us taxpayers a loan or a gift? If it’s a loan, what is our interest rate?
A: Surely it’s a gift. After all, we deserve it. We just gave $18.4 billion of your money out to buy Ferarris and pre-war six-room condos overlooking Central Park. We’re just looking out for the interests of, well not our clients or shareholders, just us. And we think that’s just peachy keen in this economic environment. Sorry, gotta go, my wife’s new Mercedes is about to drive up with a big red bow on it and the kids need to come out to show their appreciation.
That’s all, folks, thanks for listening.
Cooking with Dee 