I make disco balls, you know those mirrored things that twirl. Recently my costs have gone up, sales have gone down, and paying off the inspectors has gone through the roof. I have to hire a DJ and find dealers of illicit drugs for payoffs.
So, please, if you just give me a billion now I’ll get back on my feet. I won’t pay it back and will probably come back with my hands extended for 3-4 billion more but just think how the public will benefit from my staying in business.
If I went out of business your children and grandchildren wouldn’t know what it would be like to dance under a disco ball, perhaps with the benefit of dry ice for a real disco experience. Think what the world would be like without my critical business.
Dear Senate and Congressional committees, I implore you for this bailout. The American people cannot live without a disco ball.
Sincerely, Mr. Unwise Investment
Cooking with Dee 